17 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser (Without Even Realizing It)
Do you often say “yes” to help others, even when you’re exhausted or have no time for yourself? Or maybe just the thought of saying “no” makes you feel guilty? If this sounds like you, you might be a people-pleaser. This habit can sneak up on you and be hard to notice, but if it continues, it can leave you feeling stressed and burned out. In this article, we’ll go through some clear signs that you might be putting other people’s needs ahead of your own and how this could be affecting your well-being.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Lies
Do you tend to lie often? By this, we mean white lies, such as ‘Sure, I love Rihanna too, put it on!’ or ‘Of course, I like Mexican food, let’s grab a bite.’ People pleasers often lie about what they enjoy to avoid disappointing people. You probably need to address this issue if you prefer to eat a meal you don’t like or drive for an hour with music you detest rather than being honest.
Constant Guilt
Constant guilt is another common trait of people-pleasers. You may feel this emotion in situations in which no one would ever think of blaming you. For instance, you may be unable to help a friend move to a new apartment because you have to work and feel guilty as a consequence.
Inability To Be Disliked
People pleasers need to be liked by everyone. This doesn’t only include friends and relatives but also those they have just met or people who have been extremely mean to them in the past. If you think this applies to you, remember that people will always dislike you no matter what. You cannot fight this, so focus on the opinion of the people you truly care about.
Inability To Say No
Do you often join social gatherings and events you don’t honestly want to attend? Are you always saying yes to helping others even though they are not your friends and you don’t have time for it? Learning to say no is fundamental. A good way to start doing this is by proposing different alternatives.
Unnecessary Apologies
People pleasers often tend to apologize when they shouldn’t. If you recognize yourself in this behavior, it is time to stop saying ‘sorry.’ While sometimes this simple word is much-needed, it may lead to people exploiting you when overused. Long story short, never say sorry if you did nothing wrong.
Fear of Conflict
Fear of conflict is another common trait among people-pleasers. As a consequence, you may often find yourself agreeing with opinions and political views you don’t share. Learning how to disagree disrespectfully is crucial. Having different perspectives on life and morality is absolutely normal, and only by sharing these can we become more informed and emphatic toward those who disagree with us.
Lack of Personal Time
As we mentioned earlier, people-pleasers have a hard time saying no. They may find themselves doing free work for people they barely know or helping someone, even if they are feeling exhausted. This inability to decline invitations and help requests leads to a lack of personal time. Always remember, only by prioritizing your own well-being and happiness will you truly be able to be there for others in times of need.
Inability To Delegate
Delegating is often difficult, but for people pleasers, it is challenging for different reasons. Learning to delegate for them may be tough because they want to avoid burdening others, not because they have trust problems. If you recognize yourself in this, remember that delegating is necessary if you want to have the time to focus on what truly matters to you.
No Boundaries
Setting strong personal boundaries is extremely challenging for people-pleasers. Learning how to do so is key to your emotional safety and well-being. Decide who is welcome to your house and who is not, how much time you want to devote to socializing, and what information you feel comfortable sharing with others.
Unhealthy Comparison
In the people pleaser’s world, the grass is always greener on the other side, even though this is often not the case. These people constantly compare themselves to idealized versions of those around them, feeling like they are not up to their standards. Of course, they are the only one thinking this as all their friends know this is not the case.
Exhaustion
Constantly saying yes to everyone often leads to exhaustion. When was the last time you spent an entire day for yourself? Without helping anyone else, without thinking about anyone else? If you can’t remember, it is time to plan such a day right now. Fill it up with activities you love and tell everyone else, including best friends, partners, and relatives, you won’t be available for that day.
Need for Approval
If you’re always looking for others’ approval before making decisions, it might be a sign you’re a people-pleaser. Depending too much on others to feel good about your choices can leave you stressed and unsatisfied. Try to trust your own gut more and make decisions based on what feels right to you, not just to keep others happy.
Fear of Judgement
We all care about what other people think of us. However, while this is normal to a certain extent, if you constantly worry about what everyone thinks about you, even those you barely know, you should probably address this issue. Listen to the opinion of the people you love and let go of others’ judgment.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem may also be connected to people-pleasing behaviors. As we mentioned, people with these tendencies constantly compare themselves to others and feel that whatever they do will never be enough. This leads them to develop low self-esteem and a feeling of inadequacy.
Sharing Everything
We all heard it. ‘Sharing is caring.’ But there is a ‘but’. Do you need to cook for all your housemates every time you make something for yourself? No problem if you are genuinely happy to share your meal with a friend, but if you feel this is an obligation, there’s probably something wrong.
Inability To Communicate Your Needs
Despite always being there for others, people pleasers experience difficulties asking for help when needed. For instance, they may pull an all-nighter to finish a work project instead of asking for a deadline extension. This issue can be quite problematic when dating, as it will be impossible for their partners to know their needs.
Need for Reassurance
People pleasers struggle with self-esteem and love and often need reassurance. This may lead them to constantly seek external validation instead of finding an inner one. Unfortunately, they may not be able to ask for validation from their peers, and—most of the time—even when they receive praise, they may not believe people telling them they are doing a great job.
More For You
Sometimes, a day fully devoted to yourself is not enough to recharge. Is this your case? Then, it’s time for a solo trip! There are plenty of places worth visiting, but Cabo San Lucas is one of the best luxurious destinations for some me-time to replenish your energies.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
