15 Phrases That Are Pushing People Away Without You Realizing It
When speaking to others, how we do so determines how others perceive us. As verbal communicators, we often use words that may unconsciously shut people away, making them feel they can never get close and that we are impassable. The choice of words matters regarding effective interaction between people at the workplace or in other connections. Here are sayings that you may be communicating and, although well-intended, hamper people’s ability to initiate contact with you.
“I’m Really Busy Right Now”
It is okay to be busy, but if you keep telling people you are too busy to be involved, such a person appears out of reach. When said too often, this phrase can convey that you do not care about their wants or the problems they face. Instead, you could just say, “I have no time for this now, but I will be able to talk about this later.”
“That’s Not My Problem”
To say, “That’s not my problem,” can sound unmoved and indifferent to the concern. Finding a better reply will encourage people to foster goodwill, even if it’s not your situation. You might say, “Well, I can’t assure you I can do it, but I will look for someone willing to do it.”
“I Don’t Have Time For This”
Saying to a person, “Actually, I don’t have time for this,” extinguishes all kinds of talk and gives the impression of being rude. It may make a barrier between you and the person who wants to reach you or share information they consider necessary. Therefore, a less defensive way of handling the time constraint would be, “Unfortunately, we lack enough time right now. Let’s set another time and talk it through appropriately.”
“I Know Better”
The arrogance that makes you say, “I know better,” is not something one should ever say. It assumes a right and the other person’s way, with their opinion or experience not being as sufficient as the correct way. Don’t use phrases like everyone wants to listen to you; settle for words such as “I have done this before; would you like me to explain?”
“That’s Just How I Am”
It makes it look like you don’t want to change or adapt when you say, “That is just how I am!” This phrase says to others that you do not want anyone to provide feedback on anything you do and do not wish for correction or improvement. A less aggressive variant of this might be, “Of course, this is the kind of person I’ve been, but I am willing to change.”
“You Wouldn’t Understand”
Saying, “You wouldn’t understand,” not only holds a person in low esteem or lack of intelligence or capacity to grasp an idea but also completely closes every form of communication between the sender of that message and the receiver. It eliminates any feeling that one can be a part of the discussion and deters people from coming to you. A more helpful way would be this one: “I understand it is a little complicated; if you allow me, I will gladly explain it to you.”
“I Don’t Care”
It is always unwise to say, “I don’t care,” for it makes one seem dull and insensitive. If the subject of the talk isn’t your cup of tea or the topic is uninteresting, expressing outright disinterest can hurt others’ feelings. Instead, change your tone of rejection with, “I am not much into this, but I would like to know how it is significant to you.”
“I’m Just Being Honest”
It is okay to be honest, but when someone says, “I’m just being honest,” they often do it to send a hurting or rude message. If not delivered with caution, this can put you in a position of being perceived as uncouth or rude. A better way would be, “Let me share something I noticed with you, but I would like it to be productive.”
“That’s Impossible”
The moment someone hears the phrase “That’s impossible,” it immediately stops the process of brainstorming and problem-solving. It can make you look like a pessimist who cannot be reasoned with or fixed. Instead of saying ‘NO’ directly to an idea, you could say, “That seems difficult, but I guess there has to be some way.”
“This Is How It’s Always Been Done”
Using this phrase will make you look rigid and unresponsive to change and novelty. You may come across as unwilling to listen to others, making you less approachable whenever there’s an issue to solve. A more friendly answer might be, “This is how we have always carried it out; please tell me a different way of doing it.”
“Don’t Bother Me With That”
You could fail to understand that telling someone, “Don’t bother me with that,” makes you sound rude and unapproachable, especially in a work setting. Therefore, even with what you deem a simple request that probably doesn’t require direct attention, don’t dismiss it completely, as it makes people feel unappreciated. A better answer might be, “Sorry, I can’t now. Can we continue this later when I can give it some time?”
“I’m Not Interested”
All through the need to draw the line, saying “I have no interest” may lead to being rude. They may be able to interpret it as minimizing the input of others or simply ignoring their requirements. A more polite way would be, “It’s not something which I am concerned about at the moment, but your information was valuable to me.”
“I Don’t Need Your Help”
“I don’t need your help” is a harsh response that may get you a few minutes of focus and peace but will do so at the cost of alienating people who care about you. When someone offers help, they do so out of care, and while this response may shut down the immediate offer, it also stops them from reaching out in the future. Even if you don’t need help, try responding politely by saying, “Thank you, I got this.”
“That’s Not My Responsibility”
Responding with “that’s not my responsibility” when someone asks for your help does not just make you seem unapproachable but also downright rude. The other person may feel shut down and hesitate to reach out in the future. If you cannot help, simply tell them by saying something like, “You caught me at a bad time; I’ll be able to help later.” This shows you care about solving the problem, even if it’s not your duty.
“That’s a Waste of Time”
Dismissing ideas or activities as “a waste of time” makes you appear judgmental and closed-minded. This blunt phrase not only devalues others’ priorities but also positions you as someone difficult to approach with new ideas. Instead, consider responding more constructively, like “I have different priorities right now” or “Let’s explore what makes this valuable to you.” This response shows that you value their time and ideas.
How we speak helps determine how accessible or inaccessible we seem to others. It may not be what we communicate in communications, but how we communicate it leads to relationship barriers. As we become conscious of terms likely to create a perception of aloofness, we can change how we use words to build positive interpersonal communications. That is why simple shifts in the language we use or the phrases we employ when responding can make all the difference in influencing people to want to open up to us and develop a better relationship.
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This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.
