Think Before You Speak: 18 Toxic Phrases That Can Impact Your Child’s Confidence

Children pick up on cues from adults’ language that stay with them for a lifetime. Language shapes their self-esteem, confidence, and personality, so anything adults say around them will impact them. Sometimes, even comments made when we’re upset or tired can hurt their feelings more than we realize. It’s important to be careful with our words and avoid saying things that could affect their emotions. Here are some things you should try not to say to help kids feel safe, happy, and confident.

You’re Being Ridiculous

Although children can often be silly, dismissing their feelings by calling them ridiculous makes them feel small and unimportant. It lessens their ability to trust their judgments and opinions, forcing them to stay timid throughout adulthood. Even when a child is saying/doing something silly, it’s better to ask them to explain their feelings and redirect their actions.

I Wish You Were Like That

Comparing children to each other only drives competition and creates a hostile environment around them. Knowing their parents want them to be like someone else puts children under immense pressure, which can have long-lasting psychological effects because it conveys they are not good enough as they are. These children never grow out of insecurities and don’t have confidence in the future.

You’re Extremely Sensitive

Children wear their hearts on their sleeves, but being told they are too sensitive displaces their ability to navigate their emotions. Such children repress their emotions because they’re afraid to express them openly, which can affect their emotional intelligence and even hinder their ability to enter stable relationships in adulthood.

You Deserved It

Everyone makes mistakes, but moving on is hard when you feel you deserve something wrong. This phrase blames children and gives them the impression that every negative consequence or bad experience is their fault, which may not always be the case. Eventually, children who hear this phrase will feel like they deserve bad treatment and won’t be able to save themselves in the future.

Do As You Are Told

There’s a fine line between obedience and compliance. While we all want children to be respectful, expecting them to do everything we ask and blindly following instructions suppresses their critical thinking and doesn’t teach them to make decisions. Such children struggle to be independent and won’t be able to identify right from wrong when they grow up.

You’ll Achieve Nothing In Life

This is the most heartbreaking thing a parent can tell their child. Parents are supposed to be their children’s biggest supporters; hearing that you’ll never succeed from someone who should have your back is devastating. It can crumble a child’s self-esteem, confidence, and self-trust, discouraging them from taking steps to be successful. It can ironically start a cycle of self-sabotage.

You’re Just Like Your Father/Mother

A person’s identity shouldn’t be defined by their parents, especially if one or both of them possess specific characteristics that a child might not like. Comparing a child to their parents puts unbelievable expectations on their shoulders and even suggests that the child might contain an unfavorable trait. This can create resentment in children, who will grow to compare every action and accomplishment with their parents.

I Know What’s Best For You

Although parents have years of experience, this statement takes power away from children. Making your child think their decisions might not be good or smart enough suppresses their creativity and critical thinking, stripping them of the chance to make informed decisions independently.

Wait Till You Have Your Own Kids

These words can hurt children because they create a gap in trust and communication between them and their parents. They can also create anxiety and uncertainty about a child’s future because they perceive parenting as a negative experience. Being told this phrase can also impact a child’s current ability to share their opinions and emotions with their parents.

Who Asked For Your Opinion?

This is one of the most hurtful phrases because it makes a child feel unwelcome or unimportant. Parents who taunt their child’s presence or input create the impression that a child’s feelings are unwarranted. Thus, children fear sharing their thoughts and become reclusive.

Oh, Toughen Up!

One of the most common phrases, this might stem from a place of wanting children to be resilient, but it can have the opposite effect. Children hesitate to share personal experiences, traumatic incidents, or emotional moments because they know their feelings will be diminished, preventing them from seeking support.

I’m Ashamed To Have You

A destructive phrase, this makes a child feel incomplete and unwanted. This conveys that a child’s existence is shameful and unwanted for a person, pushing the child into a corner and stopping emotional growth. Children who hear this grow to resent themselves and struggle to succeed in all aspects of life.

I Don’t Have Time For You

This phrase can make a child feel unimportant and neglected. It sends the message that they are not a priority, which can be deeply hurtful for them. Over time, this can lead to feelings of rejection and isolation, which will only grow with time. Try not to use it, no matter how busy you are.

You’re A Burden

This is such as bad phrase to use on a child. Telling a child they are a burden can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. It makes them feel unwanted and unloved, damaging their self-worth. This kind of message can have long-lasting negative effects on their emotional development.

You’re Embarrassing Me

Telling your kid they’re embarrassing you can really hurt their feelings and make them feel bad about themselves. Kids often act out because they’re trying to get attention or express how they’re feeling. Instead of shaming them, it’s better to talk about their behavior calmly without making them feel like they’re the problem.

I Wish You Were Never Born

This is one of the worst things you can ever say to your child. It is not only incredibly damaging but can also cause deep emotional scars that may stay for a lifetime. This phrase can make them feel worthless and unwanted, making them insecure about themselves.

You Are Driving Me Crazy

Saying this makes kids feel like they’re the cause of your stress, which can really mess with their heads. They might start thinking they’re a burden or that they’re doing something wrong all the time. Over time, they could either pull away from you or act out even more just because they feel so guilty.

You’re Not Good Enough

Kids look up to their parents for validation, but if you constantly put them down by saying, “you’re not good enough,” you are single-handedly ruining their self-esteem for life. Such kids grow up fighting for their parents’ affection and constantly feel inferior, thinking they do not deserve the good things in life.

This article was inspired by Reddit and first appeared on Rbitaliablog.