The Hidden Side of Parenting: 18 Things They Don’t Tell You About Being a Mom
We’re often told how great motherhood is. Everyone compliments the baby, shares experiences, and tells us how rewarding being a mother is. While it’s true that motherhood has many beautiful moments, there are also challenges that aren’t talked about much. Some parts of being a mom can be really tough and surprising. Here are some hard truths about motherhood that many people don’t notice or mention.
This article was inspired by a study done on the identity transformation of postpartum women.
You May Struggle With Identity
Almost every woman struggles with identity once she becomes a mother. The struggle to know who you are beyond a mother is a question most women ask themselves but don’t know the answer to. You’re not just someone’s daughter, wife, partner, or friend; you’re a mom, and that part of your identity never changes.
Postpartum Changes Can Be Permanent
As discouraging as it sounds, the changes you experience while pregnant never completely go away after giving birth. While you might eventually lose the baby weight and get back on the fitness train, you’ll struggle with body dysmorphia and confidence all the time and might never go back to how you were before.
You Feel Isolated
While relatives and friends surround you once the baby arrives, you’ll feel intense isolation. This isn’t just your mind playing tricks; studies find about 90% of mothers feel lonely. This might be because you’re still struggling to adapt to the new lifestyle, but it’s also because you become a new person entirely.
Your Mental Health Is Impacted
According to research, approximately 1 in every 7 women experiences some sort of disorder like postpartum depression. The sudden change of hormones makes getting PPD much easier, but you’ll never really recover from it. Motherhood is all about struggling with such mental health issues and trying your best to make it despite them.
Constantly Worrying
Once you become a parent, worrying becomes second nature. You find yourself constantly concerned about your child’s health, safety, and future, which can sometimes feel overwhelming. This ongoing anxiety can make it hard to fully enjoy the special moments of parenthood.
Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Easy
Most mothers envision a natural bonding moment with their baby when breastfeeding. However, while it might be the traditional route, not all babies will breastfeed. Some don’t latch easily; others aren’t satisfied with the feed. Some mothers struggle to make enough breastmilk, and a few might not make any at all. Ultimately, many babies will go on to formula feed.
Sleep Deprivation Is Real
One of the toughest parts of being a mom is how little sleep you get. Those sleepless nights can stretch on for months, even years, especially when you have a newborn. As your kids grow, the worries don’t go away, and getting decent rest can start to feel impossible. This kind of exhaustion doesn’t just make you tired—it can mess with your mood, your mental health, and how you handle the day-to-day stuff.
You’ll Be Judged All The Time
Once you become a mother, every decision you make and every action you take will somehow find itself in front of others. You’ll be judged and scrutinized for things you didn’t even know were possible, and the free judgment never disappears. You learn to live with it and try to minimize any fallouts.
Childcare Is Costly
Many families plan to have a baby when they’re financially stable. But you don’t know how much childcare costs until the bundle of joy finally arrives. You struggle with unexpected hospital bills, have to account for the baby’s clothing and food, and eventually continue to worry about childcare until your kid is old enough to be financially independent.
You’ll Question Yourself
Motherhood can make you question your sanity. You may question your motives, second-guess your decisions, and even feel guilty for being a mother. Such emotions and thoughts are natural and common, but you won’t know how intense they are until you finally become one.
Your Career Will Be Affected
A baby will naturally halt your career, but getting back in the game is challenging for many women. You feel anxious leaving the baby at daycare, struggle to think straight, and even miss your baby all the time. Despite being a great employee, your career trajectory takes unexpected directions.
Your Health Takes A Backseat
Mothers are often praised for prioritizing their children’s well-being, which means their health and wishes become an afterthought. It’s not just the people around you; mothers struggle to focus on their health because they prioritize their babies more than themselves.
You’re Always Responsible
A mother is held responsible for most things surrounding her child (health, upbringing, manners, etc.) Even mothers whose kids have grown up or moved out deal with the fallout of their children’s actions. Every little thing becomes a mother’s responsibility, even if she doesn’t have much to do with it.
It Won’t Always Be A Happy Experience
Almost everyone talks about how much of a blessing a child is, but this doesn’t mean motherhood will always keep you in a happy mood. There will be days when you’ll cry, feel disappointed, or get angry. You might even think about a life where you’re not a mother. Ultimately, it’s essential to know that life has ups and downs, even with a significant thing like motherhood.
Sacrificing Social Life
Your social life often takes a backseat, making it hard to keep up with friends. Spontaneous coffee dates and late-night outings become rare as your child’s schedule rules your day. Over time, you might feel disconnected from friends, and trying to catch up can feel overwhelming.
Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is that nagging feeling that you’re never doing enough or somehow falling short. Whether it’s about work, parenting choices, or taking time for yourself, the guilt can feel never-ending. But remember that you’re doing your best, and it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes.
Your Relationship with Your Partner Will Change
As you become a mother, you will notice the dynamic of your relationship begins to slowly change. You’ll find yourself spending more time tending to childcare responsibilities than with your partner. As a result, you may find it difficult to connect with your partner, which may affect your romantic relationship with them. However, effectively communicating and clearly stating your needs can help you overcome this phase.
Lack Of Appreciation
The efforts and sacrifices of motherhood often go unnoticed, leaving you feeling undervalued and unappreciated. Despite all your hard work, a simple thank you is rare for the endless tasks you juggle every day. This lack of acknowledgment can make the journey feel even lonelier and tougher.
More For You
We adore our parents, but their old-fashioned parenting ways can be quite surprising now. By reflecting on their mistakes, we can become better parents and grow as individuals. Here are some things you might not have learned from them.
This article was inspired by a study done on the identity transformation of postpartum women and first appeared on Rbitaliablog.
