How to Be There for Aging Parents Without Neglecting Yourself
Becoming a caregiver for your parents can feel emotional and overwhelming, touching so many parts of your life. It’s a big change, and handling all the new responsibilities isn’t always easy. But with the right attitude and a few simple tips, this experience can also bring special moments and valuable lessons. To help you through this journey, here are 18 easy and practical ideas to care for your parents while still taking care of yourself!
Don’t Forget about Money and Bureaucracy
Before getting to the emotional rollercoaster, let’s talk money. Once your parents lose their independence, you must start caring for their finances and bureaucratic duties. This can be highly time-consuming, so you may need to contact an expert or ask other relatives for help.
Start with the Basics
As parents age, they often acquire more childish behaviors. You may have to remind them about basic stuff, such as hygiene practices, from grooming to brushing teeth. You must ensure they eat throughout the day and follow their medications. You can do so by calling them a few times daily to check.
Be Patient
Patience is crucial. Especially if your parents are affected by mental conditions, such as dementia, get ready to explain the most essential things or answer the same question over and over again. Keep calm, but don’t be too harsh on yourself if you get triggered occasionally. Being a parent to your parents is tough!
Don’t Be Afraid to Insist
Your parents will probably refuse to allow an expert in their house to assist them throughout the day. Or they may be firmly against leaving their home for a retirement house. In these cases, keep insisting while maintaining a calm and gentle attitude. It may take some time, but there are good chances they will finally agree.
Use Technology
Just because your parents have aged, this doesn’t mean they should no longer keep up with the times. A study analyzing the use of technology in 219 older adults showed how a higher use of digital devices is associated with fewer cognitive concerns. Try to push them to use technology, such as video calling or reading the news.
Ask For Help
If you have siblings, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help, whether this means taking care of your parents when you are not available or contributing to the retirement house expenses. If you’re their only daughter, don’t be afraid to ask other relatives for help.
Promote Exercise
Similar to technology, just because your parents are getting older doesn’t mean they should stop exercising. Ideally, people over 65 should do 150 minutes a week of moderate-intensity activity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity activity. The older they get, the more moderate their activity should be.
Focus on Nutrition
As our parents grow old, the need for a nutritious diet becomes all the more important. Cutting unhealthy foods and replacing them with nutritious alternatives will keep them fit and active in old age. Consider adding fruits, veggies and meat in their diet or consult a dietitian for personalized meal plans if you don’t know where to begin.
Keep an Eye on Their Driving Skills
Most older adults will resist your attempt to revoke their driving license. However, if their driving starts becoming dangerous for others, you must stop them. A good way to do so may be to propose that they gift their car to their nephew. This may be an easy solution to convince them to let go of the car.
Accept Your New Role
Sometimes, we may face more difficulty accepting the new family dynamics than our parents. Especially if you’re a mother and your kids are finally old enough to be responsible for themselves, suddenly having to take care of your parents may not be the easiest pill to swallow. Take all the time you need to accept your new role and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
Assertiveness Is Key
Childish behavior will, unfortunately, become quite common. This means you must learn how to stand your ground, especially on important matters such as medications and hiring people for help. Learning how to be assertive without losing your control is fundamental.
Push Them To Try New Things
As we age, we often lose curiosity about the world around us. Pushing your parents to try new things may bring them a new sense of wonder and happiness. This can be as simple as trying an exotic dish in a local restaurant or walking in a part of the city they have never visited before.
Give Them Space to Grieve Their Independence
Imagine how you would feel if you suddenly had to leave the house where you spent the last 40 years of your life. While being assertive is crucial, don’t forget that this is a challenging phase for your parents. So, let them have time to grieve their independence.
Open Communication
Open communication is the cornerstone of effectively parenting your parents. It involves creating an environment where you and your parents feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, concerns, and emotions. Regular, honest conversations help address issues before they escalate and ensure everyone is on the same page regarding care plans and expectations. Listen actively to your parents’ needs and fears, validating their feelings and showing empathy. Please encourage them to share their preferences and concerns, making them feel respected and heard.
Find Balance In Your Own Life
Finding balance in your own life is crucial when caring for aging parents. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with the responsibilities, but neglecting your mental and physical health needs can lead to burnout. Set aside time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether hobbies, exercise, or socializing with friends. Delegate tasks when possible, and don’t hesitate to seek help from other family members or professional caregivers.
Don’t Forget (Your) Self-Care
Especially if you’re already parenting children, starting to take care of your parents can be a heavy burden, making you neglect me-time. Always remember, self-care is never selfish. Only by properly taking care of yourself will you be able to help others around you.
Ask For Advice
You probably know some friends who went through a similar phase. Asking for advice and suggestions on how to handle this situation best can help you in your new journey. They may not only recommend a few retirement houses that will provide good care for your aging parent but may also come up with valuable tricks to simplify your life.
Don’t Neglect Quality Time
As our parents age, we often stop spending quality time with them. This may be due to several reasons, such as technical difficulties in going outside and doing certain activities. Despite this, try your best to do something special occasionally, or you may regret it later in life.
More For You
Parenting your parents can be very stressful, especially at the beginning, when you need to get used to your new role. So, don’t forget to take care of yourself in this delicate phase of your life. Now more than ever, you should prioritize self-care.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
