18 Tips to Overcome Parental Guilt and Embrace Positive Parenting
Do you sometimes doubt yourself as a parent? You’re not alone—many parents feel guilty even when they’re doing a great job. Social media can make it seem like everyone else has parenting all figured out, but the truth is, most people only share the best parts, not the hard moments. It’s so important to let go of that guilt and focus on what’s realistic, both for your own well-being and for your kids. To help, we’ve put together 18 simple tips to make parenting feel a little easier and more rewarding!
You’re Not Perfect, and That’s Okay
There is no way around it. Mistakes are unavoidable. Whenever you do one, try to remind yourself of it. You are human like everyone else, and making mistakes is part of your nature. Instead of beating yourself up, accept that they are an unavoidable part of existence.
Mistakes Help You Grow
Rather than seeing mistakes as a sign of failure – they are inevitable, remember? – start to shift the narrative in your head. Mistakes are an opportunity for you to grow. Whenever you do one, instead of excessively blaming yourself for what happened, ask yourself: “What am I learning from this?” “What can I change so that this won’t happen again?”
Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion can help you attenuate the guilt you’re feeling. You feel guilty because you care. Don’t be too harsh on yourself; instead, try to set new standards for yourself. You don’t have to cook the most nourishing food every single day. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. You don’t have to be a perfect mom, just a loving one.
Some Screen Time Is Okay
Let’s admit it: screen time is not ideal for kids. However, as with every tool, it can be a good parent’s ally if used correctly. We all grew up with TVs in the end, right? Instead of avoiding screens, try to use them effectively without having your kids glued to them 24/7.
You Need Self-Care to Be a Good Mom
New parents often feel guilty whenever taking time for themselves. Remember, you can be a good mother only if you properly take care of your mental health. Self-care is non-negotiable and should be an essential part of your daily life. Whether you need a warm bath or 30 minutes of reading, remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a basic need we all share.
Journal
Journaling is a powerful tool for managing stress, anxiety, and guilt. Putting your thoughts on paper brings clarity, helping you see what happened more objectively. If you’re dealing with guilt, try taking a few minutes daily to write down your thoughts and see whether you experience any improvement.
The Friend Strategy
We are often incredibly harsh when judging ourselves. Use the ‘friend strategy’ whenever you make a mistake and feel guilty. Imagine a friend of yours made the same error and is now telling you how guilty she’s feeling about it. You probably would not judge her so harshly, right? So, why are you doing this to yourself?
Spend Quality Not Necessarily Quantity Time
Parents often feel guilty when they are unable to spend enough time with their kids. While it’s normal to feel that way, understanding that the quality of time you spend together matters more than the quantity can help alleviate guilt. When spending time with your kids, ensure you are mentally present and they get your undivided attention.
What Would the 18-Year-Old-You Say?
It’s easy to beat ourselves up when making mistakes, as our brains tend to catastrophize everything. When this happens, try to think of what the 18-year-old version of you would think if she met you now. Chances are she would be so proud of the wonderful mother you have become.
Working or Not Working?
Society seems to imply that you must feel guilty whether you decide to work or be a stay-at-home mom. Are you staying at home? Then you are not a good feminist! Are you working? Why are you spending so little time with your kids? Whether you decide to work or not, be proud of yourself and stop listening to what people who don’t even know you have to say about your life.
Ask For Help
We often feel guilty when asking for help, as if this was a sign that we failed as parents. However, experts believe that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but strength. Whether you feel the urge to start seeing a therapist or need someone to take care of your children for a night, remember that asking for help is always a victory.
Let Go of Opinions That Don’t Matter
Who cares about what your neighbor said? People will always criticize your actions no matter what you do or do not do. If the critique comes from someone whose opinion you value, it is worth exploring it further. However, if your parenting technique is criticized by someone you don’t honestly care about, stop caring about their opinion, too!
Comparison
Especially today, it’s so easy to compare our lives to others. Social media is a constant reminder that there are plenty of happy families out there having healthy and delicious breakfasts, finding time to bond every evening, and never having a single argument. Stop comparing your life to theirs! What you see online is not an accurate reflection of reality. How many people would post the mess left by their kids in their room? This doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
Know When To Set New Resolutions
Setting new resolutions to become a better parent is a great idea to keep yourself on track. For instance, you may want to get your kids into reading or spend more time together as a family. This is all great, but make sure you set your new resolutions when you are ready for them. So often, we are pushed to embrace new habits at the beginning of the year, but it is way better to set new goals when you have the time and energy to stay consistent with them.
Talk To Other Families
As mentioned earlier, social media constantly tries to convince us that all families are perfect. The solution? Talk to friends with kids! Share your struggles and weaknesses; you will learn you are not alone. Seeing how other mothers struggle with the same issues will help you realize that we are all in the same boat.
Learn To Say No
You are a parent. It is your job to say no. You should be able to say no to your kids’ crazy requests, to all invitations to activities that don’t interest you and for which you have no time, and to unrequested advice. We don’t have unlimited time, so say yes to what’s worth it. Your life will surely benefit from this simple switch.
Everything In Moderation, Including Moderation
We often apply this rule to ourselves, but do we do the same with our kids? As we mentioned earlier, some screen time is occasionally okay, but the same can be said for plenty of other things. If you don’t have time to cook, order a pizza! Your kid can skip a football class if you are super busy with work, and if you have thousands of duties, your son can surely do his math homework alone for once.
You Feel Guilty Because You Care
Understanding the root of your guilt may help you overcome it or at least make peace with it. Whenever you feel guilty for something, it is because you care. So, you are now experiencing guilt towards your role as a parent because, for you, it’s crucial to do a good job, which makes you a great mother!
More for You
Remember to sneak in those self-care days! You need to recharge if you want to be a good mother. Why not go to an exotic place like Cabo San Lucas for a few days to get some well-deserved rest?
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
