16 Parenting Habits That Could Be More Harmful Than You Realize

Parenting is hard, and sometimes parents don’t realize their actions might be hurting their kids emotionally. It’s important to notice these habits so you can create a more caring and positive environment. Being aware of these patterns helps you understand what might be going wrong and how to fix it. By paying attention to these signs, you can make sure your kids feel loved, supported, and safe. Here are a few signs of toxic parenting that are worth noticing if you want your children to grow and thrive.

Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.

You Haven’t Set Rules

Do you have any rules with your kids? How much time can they spend on their phones and other screens? At what times are they supposed to go to bed? Did you set a curfew? Always remember that children and teens need rules to learn which behaviors are okay and which are not.

You Are Emotionally Unavailable

Being a good parent is not only about providing food, clothes, and shelter. It’s also about being there for your children’s emotional needs. How good are you at showing your emotions? Do you listen and validate your children’s feelings? Have you ever taught your children how to deal with their emotions and avoid being overwhelmed?

You Value Competitiveness Rather Than Cooperation

While a bit of competition can help push your kids to do their very best, it may lead to negative consequences when it becomes too much. For instance, your children may constantly compare themselves to others and look for people’s approval instead of focusing on their own judgment and personal development. An excellent way to avoid this is to promote cooperation rather than competitiveness.

You Overshare

When kids are young, we are often so thrilled about everything that happens in their lives that we feel the need to share it with the world—their first step, their first word, their first big smile. However, it’s important to prioritize their privacy as kids turn into teenagers. Avoid sharing information about their private lives with colleagues and friends without consent.

You Are Emotionally Abusive 

There are so many types of emotional abuse. For instance, you may constantly criticize your kids, shout at them for silly things, or change your mood several times during the day. All these behaviors can harm your child’s emotional development, so avoid them.

You Use Guilt-Tripping 

“I will feel very sad if you don’t tidy your room.” “You never share your life with me anymore; this is why I always feel so miserable.” Do these examples sound familiar? This is what experts call guilt-tripping, and it may lead your kids to develop low levels of self-esteem.

Name-Calling

Name-calling refers to the act of using abusive language or even insults. While you may think that this is just a funny joke within your family, there are good chances your kids feel otherwise. This unhealthy behavior may make your kids feel unworthy and develop low confidence.

You Never Take The Blame 

Have you ever apologized to your kids? Being a parent doesn’t mean you cannot show vulnerability. You will surely make mistakes. Acknowledging and asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but rather of strength. A great way of showing your kids how to take responsibility for their mistakes.

You Make Comparisons

Never compare your kids to others, which may lead to low self-esteem. While we all think occasionally, “Why doesn’t my kid behave as nicely as his cousin?” make sure to keep these thoughts to yourself. Every kid is unique, and there are surely some aspects of your child’s behavior from which his cousin would benefit. Again, avoid competition and promote cooperation instead.

You Are Too Strict 

Setting rules is fundamental, and so is consistency. However, it is finding the right balance between these two and flexibility that makes you a great mom or dad. There will be times when your teen wants to extend his curfew to attend a concert of his favorite band. Remember, as with everything in life, the key is balance and moderation.

Your Kids Determine Your Emotional Wellbeing 

Does your emotional well-being depend entirely on your kids? This form of codependency is incredibly harmful and can lead to plenty of negative consequences for your child’s development. Kids growing up with parents who depend on them for their wellbeing must carry a massive burden on their shoulders. A responsibility that a child should never have.

You Don’t Respect Boundaries

Respecting your child’s personal space is super important for building a healthy relationship. If you’re always checking their messages or making decisions for them without asking what they think, it can create a lot of frustration. Try to keep the communication open, but remember, even kids need their own space to grow.

You Have A Favorite

Do you have a favorite among your sons and daughters? We all think this does not apply to us, but chances are that your kids think otherwise. You may not have realized it, but you may have treated your kids differently, for instance, by setting different rules for them. Try to ask your spouse whether he thinks this is the case to have an external opinion.

You Don’t Let Them Fail

As hard as it may be for parents to see their kids fail, this is an unavoidable part of life every child should face to learn how to deal with it. So, let your children experience failure and help them nourish a good relationship with it, for instance, by encouraging them to see it as a valuable lesson.

Physical Punishment

Physical punishment is never justifiable. This is why it is illegal in plenty of countries worldwide. Unfortunately, physically abusing your kids may have several negative repercussions on their future. For instance, children who experience harsh physical punishment are more likely to develop depression, antisocial behaviors, as well as addiction to illicit substances during adulthood.

You Spoil Them

Buying your daughter everything she asks for, from food to clothes and toys, doesn’t make you a good mother. In fact, this attitude can be highly damaging, as it teaches your children that they don’t need hard work to obtain something. Spoiling may lead to entitled kids, so try to avoid it and strive for balance.

More for You

Now you know what to avoid when parenting your kids. But what should you do to raise healthy and fulfilled children? Here are a few life lessons I will teach my two daughters before they turn 13.

This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.