Parents Beware: 17 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them
Having kids is an amazing part of life, but it can also make things harder in a marriage. Balancing parenting, managing money, and finding time for each other can sometimes feel like a lot to handle. Problems, like not communicating well or having different ideas about raising kids, can slowly cause issues if they’re not talked about. The good news is that noticing these problems early can help you work through them before they grow bigger. Let’s look at some common struggles parents face and how to keep them from affecting your relationship.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Prioritizing Children Over The Relationship
We often think that to be good parents, we must prioritize our kids, but this is not always the case. Nurturing a healthy and thriving relationship with our partner will only allow us to create a safe environment where our kids feel secure and fulfilled. So start prioritizing your spouse, and don’t feel guilty; this will benefit your children, too.
Lack of Communication
Giving your partner the silent treatment is not only cruel but ultimately useless. You should be comfortable telling your partner everything, even if they hurt you. Always discuss whenever a problem arises and stop sweeping issues under the rug. Whether it’s the absence of intimacy, feeling unloved, or lack of help with house chores, talk about it.
Unmet Needs
Most of the time, relationships deteriorate due to unmet needs. For instance, you may want your partner to help you more with the house chores, or you may need more independence from your relationships. Discussing these issues and finding compromises is crucial for the success of a marriage.
Mental Health Struggles
Mental health struggles strain the strongest of marriages. It becomes even worse when the partner struggling with their mental health refuses to accept therapy. This may force one partner to carry the emotional baggage of the other, often neglecting their well-being. Ultimately, they feel burdened by the emotional weight and grow apart.
Addictions
With over 7% of marriages in the US ending in divorce due to substance abuse, this remains one the most dreadful relationship killers. Unfortunately, when a loved one suffers from substance abuse, it can be incredibly difficult to know how to help. Addiction can be detrimental to relationships as it damages trust in the couple.
No Plans
Just because you have kids, this doesn’t mean you should no longer make plans together. Part of being in a long-term relationship is planning a happy future to look forward to. Discuss with your partner whether you would like to live in your current house for the rest of your life or if you may buy a new house one day. And what about your retirement? Are you planning to travel more after you both stop working?
Lack of Intimacy
Especially when kids are young, parents may feel that they no longer have time or energy for intimacy. However, this can be detrimental to a relationship. Push yourself to be more intimate with your partner, for instance, by cuddling in bed for a few minutes before going to sleep.
Distance
Long-term relationships are difficult to navigate, especially when there are kids involved. Ideally, you want the distance to last only for a defined period. For instance, knowing that your partner will be back in a couple of years gives you something to look forward to during the most challenging times.
Too Many Expectations
It’s okay to expect your partner to help you with house chores and be interested in your mental and physical health. However, at times, it’s essential to ask ourselves whether we’re expecting too much. Your partner cannot and should not fix all your problems, so try to be more realistic with your expectations.
Technology
We often complain we don’t have enough time to spend with our partner, yet we manage to waste hours on social media. Whenever you are out on a date with your spouse, turn off your phone to avoid distractions. If you can, you should also prioritize activities that take you away from screens. Rather than watching the latest Netflix show, go out for a walk with your partner.
Undefined Boundaries
Having boundaries is crucial for a marriage’s success. Here are some good rules you may agree on. Always speak with respect to each other and avoid yelling. Communicate needs clearly and discuss whenever problems arise instead of ignoring them in the hope they will pass. Do not expect your partner to complete you, but rather, try your best to find fulfillment in your life by nourishing your passions.
Unforgiveness
We all make mistakes. Regardless of what your partner did, you must forgive them for your peace of mind and your relationship to keep thriving and growing. Building resentment will be detrimental in the long run, so learn to forgive your partner and stop thinking about the past.
Different Love Languages
Having different love languages is entirely okay. For instance, you may show love with physical touch while your partner may do so with tiny presents. However, not knowing your partner’s love language may cause you much pain. For instance, you may wonder whether your partner is genuinely attracted to you, as he rarely says so in words, while he might have shown you his attraction with physical touch. Make sure to discuss how you show love so that you are both aware of this and can avoid misunderstandings.
Poor Work-Life Balance
Poor work-life balance can significantly strain parent marriages. When one or both partners are overwhelmed with work responsibilities, it often leaves little time for nurturing the relationship. This imbalance can lead to neglect and resentment, as one partner may feel they are bearing the brunt of household and parenting duties alone. The constant stress and exhaustion from trying to juggle work and family life can also result in emotional disconnection and reduced intimacy.
Differing Parenting Styles
Differing parenting styles can create significant tension in a marriage. When parents have conflicting approaches to discipline, education, or daily routines, it often leads to frequent disagreements and misunderstandings. This discord can confuse children, undermining their sense of stability and consistency. Over time, the constant clashes can erode mutual respect and trust between partners, making it challenging to present a united front.
Financial Stress
Financial stress can really take a toll on relationships, especially in today’s world when running a home and having kids is becoming challenging. It is not just about the money; it’s also about the tryst and communication that gets affected between parents. When finance becomes a source of stress every day, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts that are hard to resolve.
Infidelity
Of course, infidelity has always been around, but in recent years, social media have made it worse. Cheating is now so easy! You just need to upload a few pictures on a dating app, and you will soon get matched with someone. On top of this, infidelity can now happen in so many ways. For instance, you may chat with someone you find attractive on Instagram, something impossible until not too long ago.
Life Changes
Despite what some say, people change all the time. Just think of yourself ten years ago. Chances are that you are now a completely different person. The truth is that as years go by, we change and sometimes become incompatible with our spouse. Unfortunately, there is not much we can do about this but acknowledge the incompatibility and try to stay on good terms.
More For You
Parents can keep the spark in their marriage alive and create a stronger bond by spending quality time together. One great way is to book a trip as a couple, even just for a weekend. Regular date nights or mini getaways are essential to reconnecting and enjoying each other’s company without stressing about your children.
This article was first published at RB ITALIA Blog.
