14 Things Parents Should Refrain from Mentioning to Their Grown-Up Kids
As parents, we want to stay close to our adult children, but some things are better left unsaid. While wanting to give advice or share your thoughts is natural, some topics can cause tension. Knowing what to avoid saying can help keep your relationship strong. Here are some things you should never say to your adult children. Keeping these in mind can help maintain respect and understanding. Let’s take a look at the things you might want to keep to yourself.
Remarks About “When You Were Their Age”
While you might intend to share wisdom, comparing their experiences to your past can make adult children feel judged or misunderstood. Times have changed, and so have challenges. Instead, offer empathy and an open ear to understand their unique journey, supporting them without placing your past as a measuring stick.
Comparisons with Their Siblings or Peers
When we compare them to their siblings or friends, it usually results in either a sense of inferiority or resentment. Remember, respecting and appreciating every child’s unique traits is equally important. By comparing them, we ignore their unique achievements and confidence in their abilities, choices, and decisions.
Unsolicited Career Advice
Offering career advice without being asked can come across as dismissive of their choices. Even if it’s well-intentioned, adult children may interpret it as a lack of confidence in their direction. Let them come to you for advice when needed, and be a supportive sounding board when they do.
Past Sacrifices You Made for Them
Bringing up sacrifices you made while raising them can lead to feelings of guilt or pressure. While your efforts are significant, continuously reminding them can create an unintended emotional burden. Let your past support stand as a gift, and focus on building a relationship rooted in the present.
How They Spend Their Money
Commenting on how your adult kids spend their money can cause unnecessary stress. Even if you disagree with their choices, it’s their life and their budget to manage. Criticizing things like what they buy or how they save might make them feel judged. Focus on being supportive and let them handle their finances their way.
Questioning Their Living Arrangements
Whether they rent, own, or share space with others, their living arrangement is based on their lifestyle and requirements. Giving feedback about their housing situation may feel like an intrusion into their private lives. Accept whatever they are doing and trust that they are choosing the path that serves them best at this time.
Comments on Their Physical Appearance
Commenting on their weight, clothing, or grooming can lead to discomfort and self-consciousness. Adult children need to feel accepted for who they are without feeling judged. Offer genuine compliments focusing on their character, confidence, and accomplishments instead of physical attributes.
Critiques of Their Parenting Style
If your child has children of their own, resist the urge to offer critical feedback on their parenting methods. Every generation brings new approaches to raising kids, and unsolicited advice can create tension between you and them. Respect their choices and offer support as needed, but avoid imposing your views.
Dislikes About Their Partner
Expressing concern about their spouse might harm your connection with your child. Avoid making remarks about their significant other unless there is a compelling reason to do so. Have faith that they have selected a partner who is a good fit for them, and concentrate on fostering a good rapport between them.
Your Health Worries (in Excess)
It is perfectly natural to discuss health concerns, but going on and on about them causes unnecessary worry. Your adult children want to support you, but if you talk too much about health difficulties, they may feel stressed. Share updates when needed, but balance these chats with happy moments and reassurances.
Your Expectations for Grandchildren
It’s natural to look forward to grandkids, but frequently mentioning them can make your children feel pressured or rushed. Depending on their circumstances, their plans for the family may differ from your expectations. Show them unconditional support and patience, reassuring them that your love and respect are not dependent on when or if they decide to have children.
Bringing Up Past Family Disagreements
Bringing up old family fights can make things uncomfortable and bring back negative emotions. Even if you want to explain something or feel like you need closure, it’s usually better to leave those things in the past. Instead, try to focus on creating new, positive memories together and strengthening your relationship.
Telling Them How to Handle Their Stress
It’s natural to want to give advice on how to manage stress, but doing so might make them feel like their feelings aren’t being taken seriously. Everyone handles stress in their own way, and what works for you might not work for them. Instead of telling them what to do, just listen to them and let them talk about what they’re going through.
Your Views on Their Friends
Criticizing their friends might make them feel isolated or judged. You might be seeing their friends from a different angle, but whatever it is, it’s their friends. And your children will not leave their social group just because you said something. Don’t judge their friends; try to accept them with their imperfections, and your kids will appreciate you for this.
More For You
There are some things in life that we only learn as we go, things our parents may not have taught us. While it may not be necessary to teach at that time, in today’s world, all those lessons might have helped us.
This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.
