16 Signs You’re Probably Failing as a Friend Without Realizing It

Even the oldest friendships can fizzle out, but if you’re quick to spot the trouble, you might be able to save your relationship with your friend. While we all like to believe we’re a good friend, sometimes, we end up hurting our friends or are simply not as good as we believe. Here are the warning signs you’re failing as a friend and how to make things better.

You Don’t Listen When They Talk

The beauty of friendship is confiding in your friends about things you can’t share with others. However, if your friend is the only one lending an ear, it means you’re in an unbalanced friendship and aren’t holding up your end of the deal. Your friends need your advice and support as much as you want theirs. Holding out support will only make you unapproachable.

You’re Quick to Judge

Friends are usually the first people we confide in when we make a mistake or are confused about making a difficult decision. Friends share all sorts of things, from stupid decisions to regrets and even trauma. Being judgemental isn’t what they look for when they open up to you. Offer advice and correct them where they are wrong, but don’t judge them harshly for their decisions.

You Don’t Reach Out First

It’s natural to grow apart and get busy with life, but friendships only expire if you let them. You may notice your friends are less available after graduation or moving to a different city, but that doesn’t mean the friendship is over, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out first. If anything, it shows that you miss them and value their friendship.

You’re Not There in Tough Times

A friend in need is a friend indeed, but if you cannot be there for your friend in their tough times, you’re more of a fair-weather friend than a real one. Not only is it wrong and unfair to turn away a friend seeking help when they are struggling, but it is also quite disrespectful. Your friend may feel betrayed and give up on the friendship if you shut them out.

You’re Always Talking About Yourself

Friendship is a two-way street, but if you constantly make it about yourself, you will come across as selfish. Always talking about yourself or making the entire friendship about you will damage your friendship beyond repair. Your friend may feel neglected and pushed around, especially if you are always taking the limelight and refusing them a safe space to vent and seek support.

You Don’t Apologize When You’re Wrong

Apologizing when you are wrong is a trait of solid character. If you apologize genuinely, your friend will appreciate it and even forgive you. Not admitting to your mistakes and not saying sorry when you are clearly in the wrong indicates that you value your ego more than your friendship. Eventually, this will ruin your friendship.

You Don’t Keep Their Secrets

Trust is essential in every relationship, and friendships are no different. If your friend confides in you, it is because they trust you. They have faith that you will protect their secret, but if you break their trust, you will single-handedly ruin your friendship. They will never forget the betrayal and will probably never trust you again.

You Cancel Plans Frequently

Nobody likes a friend who always ditches plans. Your friends include you in their plans because they value you and want you around, but if you always refuse to hang out or cancel at the last minute, it conveys that you don’t value their presence. This won’t only frustrate your friends, but they’ll stop inviting you and eventually cut you off.

You Don’t Celebrate Their Success

A real friend gets excited about your successes, no matter how big or small. If you find yourself not showing much enthusiasm or brushing off their achievements, it can really hurt their feelings. It’s important to genuinely share in their happiness and cheer them on when something great happens in their life.

You Don’t Stand Up for Them

Real friends have each other’s backs, especially when someone is talking behind their back. If you don’t stick up for your friend or show support when things get tough, it can really break their trust. Friends count on loyalty, and staying quiet when they need you the most can send the wrong message.

You Don’t Respect Their Boundaries

We all have some boundaries, and so do our friends, regardless of how close we are to them. Invading their privacy or not being considerate about their boundaries is not healthy for your friendship. You come across as invasive, and your friend will start feeling uncomfortable around you, eventually avoiding you or simply calling it quits.

You Don’t Check In Regularly

Friendship requires effort from both sides. While you can’t always stay glued to them 24/7, the least you can do is check in regularly or keep in touch, especially if your friend has moved to a different location. Not trying to stay in touch shows that you just don’t care, prompting your friend to cut the cords.

You Compete With Them

Good friends encourage and push each other to realize their goals. Healthy competition is good as it enables both of you to strive and accomplish. But if you start competing with them for the sake of winning, you turn your friendship into rivalry, and things go downhill from there. Ultimately, you’ll lose a precious loved one because you care more about winning than maintaining a friendship.

You Hold Grudges Over Small Things

Nobody’s perfect, and friends will make mistakes from time to time. But hanging onto small issues and not letting things go can really create a distance between you and your friend. Being able to forgive and move forward keeps your friendship strong and shows you truly value the connection.

You Disrespect Their Time

True friends understand the importance of each other’s time and respect it. They plan everything and keep each other’s commitments in mind. If you’re always late or plan things to suit your commitments without keeping your friends’ schedules in mind, they will eventually get away from you.

You Are Secretly Jealous of Them

Friends support each other and are supposed to be happy with each other’s happiness. Whether it is a promotion, an engagement, or something else, being jealous will only harm you. It will damage your friendship and ruin your credibility as a friend. They will eventually stop sharing their happiness and success with you, ultimately shutting you out.