17 Smart Co-Parenting Strategies for Raising Happy Kids After Divorce
Co-parenting after a divorce can feel challenging, but working together to keep your kids happy and supported makes things much easier. It might take some time to figure out what works best, but with patience and a few helpful tips, the process can get smoother for everyone. Being open, staying flexible, and always focusing on what’s best for your kids is key to making it work. Want to create a co-parenting routine that feels positive and effective? Here are some easy tips to help you raise happy kids after a divorce.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Compromise
The chances of disagreeing with your ex are incredibly high, considering you must co-parent for life. Learning how to compromise is essential to ensure a healthy environment for your kids. Let go of the need to always be right and try to see your partner’s perspective. Remember that you cannot always get your way.
Communicate Openly
Good co-parenting starts with open and regular communication. Make it a habit to touch base with your ex about your child’s needs, upcoming events, and any changes in plans. This helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps both of you on the same page, making sure your child stays the top priority.
Work as a Team
Being aligned is fundamental when raising kids. There is no point in feeding your kids the healthiest and most nutritious food if they will have junk food daily next week. Discuss fundamental issues such as allowed screen time, diets, bedtime, and so on with your co-parents to avoid clashes.
Schedule
Scheduling is fundamental when raising kids. Especially so when co-parenting. Where will your children spend Christmas and Thanksgiving? When will your co-parent come to pick up the kids for the weekend? These issues must be discussed in advance for a smooth co-parenting journey.
Work on Your Divorce
Divorces are never easy. However, only by finally accepting your separation will you be able to be a good parent. But how do you even know whether you are over it? An excellent way to figure this out is to imagine your ex with a new partner. Does it make you jealous, or can you genuinely be happy for them? Wanting your ex’s happiness is fundamental to raising your kids in a loving environment.
No Place for Ego
It’s essential to leave your ego behind, especially if your decision to co-parent is due to a breakup. You may still resent your ex-partner, but don’t let this get in the way of being a good parent. No matter what, never criticize your co-parent in front of your children, and maintain a positive attitude when talking about him.
Establish Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries can bring stability and predictability to your co-parenting journey while reducing conflict. For instance, what are your personal boundaries in terms of space? Does your ex have the key to your house? What about introducing new partners to your children?
Put Your Child First
It’s easy to get stuck in negative emotions and start acting upon them when disagreements with your co-parent arise. Remember that you should always put your kids first in these cases. This will help you prioritize what truly matters and let go of accumulated negativity.
Be a Good Ex
No kids like their parents talking behind each other’s backs. You don’t want to teach your children this behavior, so always positively portray your ex-partner and act as a team rather than enemies. You may not like it, but to be a good co-parent, you must also be a good ex.
Keep It Positive
We are not going to lie. There will be challenging moments. You may have to spend a few Christmas Days without your children, or you may have to agree to things you may not like. In these situations, maintain a positive attitude and remember the positives of co-parenting. For instance, you’ll get a free babysitter to care for your kids several nights a month, allowing you some well-deserved self-care time!
Don’t Rule out Time Together
Just because you are no longer in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean you cannot spend time together. Plenty of exes are now great friends, so there is no reason to believe this will not happen to you. Even though at the beginning it may seem complicated, time heals everything. Who knows? One day, you may all happily spend your Sundays with your new partners.
Be Kind (To Yourself)
There will be times when you will make mistakes. Times when you will be irrational with your ex. Times when you will be a bad example for your children. Relax. This is okay. You are not perfect; nobody is. What’s important is to acknowledge our mistakes and take responsibility for them. Beating yourself up forever won’t be beneficial in any way.
Figure Out Your Financial Situation
Who’s going to pay for college? Who is paying for soccer lessons? And what about those guitar classes? You don’t necessarily have to split everything equally, but discuss how you want to deal with the financial expenses, which may cause many useless arguments in the future.
Talk About Festivities
As we mentioned earlier, being able to plan and compromise is fundamental. In this regard, festivities may be particularly tricky. We all want to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with our kids, so how can you handle the situation? Make sure to plan this well in advance with your ex. For instance, you may change every year or have matching preferences. For example, your ex may prefer to see the kids on the 24th of December, while you like to spend time with them on Christmas Day.
Flexibility
You can be the most organized person in the world but still run out of time occasionally. If this is true for you, why can’t it be for your ex-partner, too? We all make mistakes, so be flexible with your ex. However, if you realize he’s becoming unreliable, have an open conversation.
Seek Help When Needed
Just because you are now a co-parent doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to seek help when needed. Who said that co-parents don’t need a babysitter from time to time? Or the help of a relative? Even though your ex may take care of your children a few days a week, you may still need extra help occasionally. There is no reason to feel guilty!
Carefully Consider New Partners
After months or years of divorce, it’s normal for you and your ex to start dating new people. When this happens, deciding how to deal with the new partners entering your life is crucial. This is surely worth discussing with your ex-spouse. Just as you may not be okay with him introducing a new girl to your son every weekend, he may not be okay with you doing the same.
More for You
One of the positives of co-parenting is that you will get plenty of time for yourself. Why not plan a solo trip to places you have always wanted to visit, such as French Riviera? You will find plenty of towns and natural areas to finally relax and be fully yourself.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
