16 Signs May Mean You’re a Helicopter Parent Without Realizing It
As a parent, it’s normal to want the best for your kids and to protect them from challenges, but sometimes, this can lead to being too involved without realizing it. Helicopter parenting often starts with good intentions, like helping your kids avoid mistakes, but it can stop them from learning and growing on their own. If you often step in to solve their problems or make decisions for them, it might be time to take a step back. Recognizing these behaviors can help you create a better balance and give your kids the freedom they need to become more independent. Let’s go over some common signs that you might be a helicopter parent and how to help your kids grow confidently.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Low Self Esteem
Helicopter parenting can cause low self-esteem in your kids for obvious reasons. You may think that constantly helping them fix all their problems indicates how much you love and care about them, but this attitude has severe consequences for them. If you keep doing everything for them, your children will start thinking they cannot properly take care of themselves, resulting in low confidence levels.
Entitlement
Imagine a father constantly interfering with his son’s academic, social, and athletic life. Whenever the couch is angry at him, his parent immediately talk to him to fix the situation. If a teacher assigns a low grade, the parent immediately protests. Considering these scenarios, it is not too surprising to imagine why children of helicopter parents are often so entitled.
Inability to Deal With Failure
Helicopter parents often micromanage their kids’ lives because they want them to succeed at all times. This, however, prevents their children from experiencing failure, something fundamental for everyone. Fear of failure is connected to all sorts of problems. For instance, your kids may be less likely to try new things or apply to prestigious universities for fear of rejection.
Anxiety
Unfortunately, this parenting style was also associated with higher chances of developing symptoms of anxiety. This is because these children grow up with constant guidelines, meaning that the moment they are left alone, they no longer know how to properly function in society. They may be unable to make decisions or feel anxiety whenever they are required to do so.
Lack of Independence
Imagine growing up with someone constantly telling you what to do, what not to do, who to talk to, who not to talk to, and so on. This is highly irritating and will make it impossible for you to learn how to be independent. If your parents constantly take your side and fix everything for you, you will never learn how to thrive in this world independently.
Inability to Speak Up For Themselves
Similarly to what we just discussed, children who grew up with helicopter parents are often exploited as they don’t know how to speak up for themselves. Of course, their parents always did this for them, so they never learned how to make their voices heard.
Depression
Growing up with helicopter parents has also been associated with higher chances of developing symptoms of depression. These results were found by a systematic review analyzing 38 eligible studies focusing on parental control and overprotective parents.
Life Dissatisfaction
Unfortunately, this parenting style is also associated with lower levels of life satisfaction. A study analyzed 173 young adults aged 18 to 29 from Portugal who were still living with their parents. The findings showed that helicopter parenting was negatively correlated with life satisfaction, which in turn was negatively correlated with age.
Inability to Solve Problems
Growing up with parents constantly solving all your issues and making all your decisions leads to an inability to solve problems. If you have children, make sure you don’t solve all their issues for them, but let them fight for their rights even if you’re tempted to interfere.
Hostility
Children who grow up with helicopter parents are not used to being scolded or told they are wrong, as whenever this happens, their parents immediately take their side. This leads to children developing high hostility towards anyone who disagrees with them.
Emotional Immaturity
Being overprotective and controlling also leads to your children being more emotionally immature than their peers. This is because they have never had to face failure and are still incredibly dependent on their parents. As difficult as it may be for a parent, it is fundamental for your kids to experience suffering and sadness to learn how to deal with these negative emotions.
Academic Burnout
Lastly, children who grow up with helicopter parents are also more prone to academic burnout. These findings were reported by a study following the lives of 416 young adolescents with overprotective and controlling parents for one year.
Inability To Deal With Critiques
If you never allow your children to fail, if you never criticize their behavior and always take their defenses, they will grow up unable to deal with negative feedback. This will have plenty of negative consequences for their studies and future job prospects. Instead, try to teach them how criticism is fundamental for growth.
Lies
Kids who grow up with helicopter parents are likelier to lie to them. This is because they know their parents may have exaggerated reactions to small things. For instance, they may avoid telling their mother they took a bad grade in school for fear that she will request a meeting with the professor to increase the grade.
Social Isolation
Kids with helicopter parents often miss out on important social experiences because their parents are always hovering around. This can make it tough for them to make friends and connect with others their age. They might end up feeling lonely or misunderstood and struggle with making new friends. It’s really important to give them some space so they can form their own friendships and learn to handle social situations on their own.
Easy Frustration
Frustration is another common trait. Why? As your kids grow old, they will soon realize that all their friends seem to be able to do all sorts of things on their own while they constantly need the help and approval of their parents. This may lead to high frustration that may disrupt your family unit.
Seeking Approval
The insistence of helicopter parents on constantly overseeing their children’s actions creates an air of constant approval. Children who grow up with such parents seek the same environment everywhere, causing them to latch onto people and try to please them, no matter what. This skews their perception of healthy boundaries and relationships. For example, your kids might ask for validation or if they did well after a particular action/decision.
More For You
You know now the negative consequences that helicopter parenting can have on your kids. While controlling your kids’ lives 24/7 is harmful, teaching them what you learned throughout your lifetime is useful and necessary for their development. Here are a few life lessons I will teach my daughters before they turn 13.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
