Couples Who Resolve Fights Peacefully Always Stick to These 14 Rules
No relationship goes without arguments, but that doesn’t mean you should normalize erupting into fights anytime you experience a hiccup. That’s not the only problem; many couples exacerbate the situation by being disruptive, loud, and often disrespectful. Instead of hurling things you’ll later regret, couples should handle arguments calmly, so take a leaf from these ground rules.
Addressing Issues Early
Never let a disagreement sit long enough that it begins to fester into something big. You might think you’re putting things to rest or taking it slow, but the longer you delay addressing concerns, the more you risk making things worse. It’s best to address issues early, even if they’re minor, so you won’t spend your days in anxiety or get hurt in the end.
Using “I” Statements Instead Of Blaming
We make fun of the “it’s not you, it’s me” statement when it’s actually helpful in changing our perspective. If you’re pinpointing something that makes you uncomfortable, you might pick up a blaming tone without even knowing, but with an ‘I’ statement, you direct the perspective. For example, saying, “I don’t agree with what you did,” instead of saying, “You did something terrible,” can work wonders.
Avoiding Personal Attacks
We’ve all said things we regret in arguments. And more often than not, it’s a statement that you can’t take back. Before sleeping on the couch with no way to apologize, it’s best to avoid personal attacks. You might think you’re getting back at your partner but actively breaking their trust by stooping too low. It could cause irreversible damage and push your relationship to the breaking point.
Choosing The Right Time To Talk
You probably think this sounds strange, but there’s always a suitable time for arguments. Spoiler alert: it’s not when your partner is already stressed or when you have company over. If something is bothering you, don’t bring it up when you know a simple argument could blow up into something worse; wait for your partner to be available for an open conversation.
Listening Without Interrupting
Having someone talk over you while you’re trying to articulate your thoughts is one of the most infuriating experiences. You might argue that it happens unknowingly, but if you’re habitually talking over your partner and interrupting them, you’re going to make them resentful. It’s best to listen patiently to your partner’s side of the story, even if it paints you in a bad light, so they’ll know they’re being heard.
Validating Each Other’s Feelings
Speaking of being heard, it’s extremely important for partners to validate each other’s feelings. You might think it’s just a silly suggestion, but knowing your partner genuinely understands your concerns and fears and is willing to do anything to help them subside is a significant relief. It can turn any argument into a lovely conversation.
Avoiding Bringing Up Old Issues
We all make mistakes and deserve second chances, especially when you’ve already decided to forgive and forget. But if you’re constantly holding out past mistakes over your partner’s head and bringing up old issues during new arguments, you’re emotionally manipulating them and stirring up guilt. It’s even worse if your partner hasn’t even repeated their mistake; they’ll forever be shadowed by guilt and won’t feel like they deserve your love.
Taking Responsibility For Mistakes
It’s not only about forgiving your partner but also taking accountability for your own actions. Often, an argument is exacerbated because the partner who’s in the wrong refuses to take responsibility. But adulthood and mature relationships are all about knowing when you’re responsible for the consequences and handling them appropriately, so it’s best to accept your mistake when you know you’ve made one.
Respecting Each Other’s Boundaries
We think relationships don’t have boundaries, but that’s not true; we’re all entitled to our privacy and interests. If you and your partner are constantly getting on each other’s nerves, it might be because you’re disrupting boundaries. It might seem silly, but openly communicating about boundaries and why they need to be respected will help you pull through massive arguments.
Focusing On Solutions
You’re never going to get anywhere with an argument if you’re only talking about solutions but never acting on them. Arguments shouldn’t only end in sweet talk; they should be catered toward finding a suitable solution for the problem you and your partner are experiencing. If you skip a solution-oriented process, you’ll only put off the issue until the next argument.
Avoiding Assumptions
Arguments are unavoidable in a relationship, but the worst thing you can do amidst an argument is to create assumptions about their intentions yourself. It amplifies the situation in your head for no reason and almost always ends up in a misunderstanding. Healthy couples understand this, and when they feel confused, they choose to seek clarity instead of assuming each other’s intentions.
Practicing Patience During Arguments
It’s easy to lose patience during an argument, but if you take a moment to breathe and calm down, it can make a big difference. When you pause before responding, you allow yourself to think clearly and avoid saying something hurtful. Patience shows your partner that you value the relationship more than winning the argument.
Avoiding Ultimatums Or Threats
A relationship built on ultimatums or threats is unhealthy and not meant to survive. If you or your partner constantly give ultimatums, threatening to leave or commit other serious acts, you’re imposing conditions on the relationship. This isn’t just unhealthy but also encourages other problematic or toxic behaviors from seeping into the relationship dynamic.
Seeking Professional Help When Needed
Many couples think asking for help is a sign of weakness, but reaching out for a helping hand is okay. If you and your partner can’t get through to each other but truly want to make things work, don’t hesitate to bring in a professional. Seeking professional help when needed ensures you’re on the right track and avoid any disruptive hiccups.
More For You
If you’re looking for a long-term commitment with your partner, be honest, be vulnerable, and try to share everything with them, from your dreams to your deepest fears. However, if it’s challenging for you, here are a couple of questions you can ask each other that will deepen your connection.
This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.
