14 Red Flags Couples Often Ignore Before Divorce

Getting married isn’t as hard as staying married. You might think you’ve crossed the finish line, but maintaining the sanctity of an intimate relationship like marriage is challenging, which is why divorces are pretty common. If you’re thinking about marriage or are already halfway there, you probably want to avoid any mishaps. Here are some warning signs that tell you a marriage is on the rocks.

Communication Breakdowns

Every relationship experiences a dip in communication, but it should never be allowed to go long enough to actively harm the relationship’s longevity. If you and your spouse are experiencing a decline in your communication or are frequently having misunderstandings, immediately consult a therapist to resolve the issue before it gets too serious.

Unresolved Conflicts

Communicating with each other isn’t enough; a married couple should be able to resolve all conflicts. If you leave a conflict unresolved because you feel too emotional to bring it up or can’t get on the same page, you will only worsen the situation. Unresolved conflicts seed doubt and create room for misunderstanding, so your marriage will suffer unless you actively resolve the things that are bothering you.

Frequent Criticism

Marriage is a union between two people who support and confide in each other. Spouses live with each other for who they are, so frequently being criticized for one’s appearance, habits, or interests is not a healthy marriage. If you’re quick to judge your partner and constantly criticize them, you’re openly setting your marriage up for disaster.

Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Almost every married couple experiences a traumatic or tragic incident. At that moment, you and your spouse might feel like it’s too triggering to sit down and chat about it, but the longer you avoid difficult conversations, the more time you’re going to take to heal. Sure, it might be challenging, but once you feel ready for the conversation, don’t hesitate to address your emotions and experiences.

Financial Secrets

Almost every married couple has a slight difference in what they bring home. The difference in finance may not be a dealbreaker, but that doesn’t mean you keep financial secrets from your spouse, especially since many married couples are supposed to share assets and even debts. If you or your spouse are withholding important financial information, it’s best to let the cat out of the bag before it takes your relationship by the neck.

Prioritizing Others Over The Relationship

Getting married certainly doesn’t mean you attach yourselves to the hip, but it also doesn’t mean you seek the comfort and company of others over your spouse. Sure, we all earn the right to hang out with friends and meet up with family, but if you’re constantly prioritizing the needs of others over the needs of the relationship, you’re going to drive away your spouse.

Ignoring Changes In Behavior

A sudden change in behavior is a tell-tale sign of a crumbling marriage. Just because it happens suddenly doesn’t mean your spouse had a change of heart overnight; most of the time, a person changes their behavior after either having had enough or being interested elsewhere. It’s important to sit with your partner and discuss abnormal changes in behavior and mood to ensure you’re both on the same page.

Neglecting Self-Care

Getting married means we’ve found the one person we can be comfortable with. This is why many married people let themselves go and become too comfortable with their lifestyle. While appearance should never be the pillar that holds a marriage, it can be a dealbreaker for some, so putting effort into your physical, mental, and emotional well-being is essential.

Overworking

You or your spouse might be the breadwinner of the household, but work should never interfere with a marriage. If one spouse is working too much, putting in overtime by pulling extra shifts to the point they only get home to sleep, they’re going to destroy their marriage. Of course, financial stability is important, but spouses need physical and emotional stability as much.

Social Isolation

Not everyone’s idea of fun is going out daily; some people like to stick to the couch with a book or a phone in their hand. And while one should never compromise their comfort, it’s also not a good idea to stay socially isolated all the time. If your partner loves going out but you rarely do, you’ll miss out on the chances to learn about their interests, which will impact your marriage.

Loss Of Shared Goals

We all have individual goals, and it’s certainly expected for spouses to support each other’s individual goals, but this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have shared goals. Shared goals motivate a couple to strive for the best; not having any shared goals means your and your spouse’s goals for the future might not align, which can cause a marriage to crumble.

Lack of Quality Time

Sometimes, partners think they are being available by being physically present, but that is not true. Physical presence does not equal being mentally or emotionally present. Often, partners just sit together in silence after a long day at work, watching TV or doing whatever without speaking to each other. That is a relationship breaker. Spending intentional time, even in small doses, helps keep the emotional bond alive, but when even that ceases to exist, the future becomes bleak by the day.

Holding Grudges

Everyone makes mistakes, but couples who hold it against each other to bring it up in later arguments destroy their marriage with their own hands. Healthy couples understand that forgiveness isn’t about forgetting but releasing negative emotions and prioritizing their relationship’s well-being. If your partner continuously brings up arguments from the past or rubs your mistakes on your face, it’s a serious red flag that you shouldn’t take lightly. Sit down with them and have a genuine conversation.

Ignoring Intimacy

While intimacy isn’t the crux of a marriage, it’s still an important pillar. Ignoring intimacy or allowing it to dwindle without any apparent reason (like medical concerns or a traumatic/tragic experience) is a sign your marriage is on the rocks. If you and your spouse aren’t as intimate as you usually are, it’s best to have an honest and open conversation to find out what’s causing the decline and if it needs to be resolved urgently.

More For You

Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also be stressful. Knowing what stresses your relationship can help you fix problems early. Here are some stress factors to watch out for.

This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.