15 Things You’re Saying That Are Unknowingly Hurting Your Relationships
Relationships are developed by interaction, and everything said can enhance or deteriorate the bond between people. At times, specific phrases may appear wholly innocent or beneficial, yet they are not, and, in the long run, they start to have a negative impact. It is essential to recognize in which ways a given set of expressions can become destructive for the further development of relationships. Here are some common phrases that might hurt your relationships and how to improve your communication.
“You Always Do This”
Talking to someone about a problem and using the word “always” in the conversation may seem like a reprimand, and they will know that you think they can never do better. It sounds more like an overstatement, which makes the person feel boxed and misunderstood. Instead, put it this way, “This has happened before. Perhaps we can talk about it,” which opens up the conversation without putting the other person on the defensive.
“I Don’t Care”
Saying I don’t care can sometimes sound ignorant and contemptuous, regardless of your intention. It sends a message of apathy or that it is of no concern to you what they may be thinking, feeling, or needing at any time. It is easier to say, for example, “I am stressed now and can’t concentrate, but I will be glad to talk about it later.” This proves to the person that you care about them and the kind of conversation, regardless of the time.
“It’s Not A Big Deal”
Telling someone they are overreacting or “It is not a big deal” erases their feelings and makes them feel their thoughts are unimportant. It may mean little to you but can mean much to the other person. Instead, use the phrase, “I can see this matters to you; let’s discuss it.” This acknowledges their emotions without negating the circumstances.
“You’re Being Too Sensitive”
When someone is told they are too sensitive, it comes across as wrong or over-emotional in their reactions. This phrase can kill open communication as the person feels they have been told they are shameful or have not been listened to. A less aggressive approach to asking about it will be, “I noticed this is upsetting to you; could you please tell me why?” It allows them to contribute their opinion or points of view and contributes to a less hostile environment.
“Calm Down”
As a rule, every time a person becomes annoyed, attempting to tell this person to calm down will hardly lead to success. It seems condescending, unlike how one might brush off their troubles instead of dealing with them. In this case, try using this saying, “I think it makes you angry; let us discuss this.” This affirms their emotions and creates possibilities for efficient negotiation.
“You Never Listen”
Comments like ‘You never listen” build up resentment, put the accused on the spot, and cannot possibly listen to your genuine intentions. Try not to use judgments such as “never” when dealing with problems in a relationship. A healthier manner to do it is to say, “I don’t think I am being listened to at the moment. Do you mind if we try to do it together?” This makes your feelings known without leaving the other person trapped or guilty.
“Why Can’t You Be More Like”
It is painful to compare your partner or friend to another individual. It suggests that they are insufficient in the way they are now, which can lead to resentment or inadequacy. Don’t use comparison; use need assertion by saying, “Would it be possible for us to do this together.” This stresses unity plus development without competition, thereby avoiding the formation of comparison.
“I’m Fine”
If you’re upset about something but talk and say, “I am okay,” this shuts out actual forms of communication. It is usually possible to distinguish when someone does not want to say they are not okay. Thus, this phrase may leave people out or confused about how to approach the situation. In its place, you can say, “I am disappointed at the moment, and I need to process that before we can discuss it, okay?” This makes the flow of the conversation continue without an inability to come up with more things to say to the other person.
“You’re Overreacting”
Labeling someone as overreacting is one more way of emotional invalidation. It implies that their feeling response is incorrect, which frustrates and elicits misconceptions. A better response would be to say, “I can see that this is troubling you; I think it is alright that we discuss the issue. Let us discuss what is worrying you.” It will also show that you are willing to listen to and comprehend how they feel without considering their feelings.
“I Don’t Have Time For This”
When someone attempts to articulate a feeling, the phrase “I don’t have time for this” isn’t very courteous; it shows that their concerns are not significant enough to warrant a response. If you cannot give your full attention to the conversation now, try saying, “I want to talk about this, but I am swamped now. Is it possible to bail the topic and talk a little about it in a few hours or tomorrow?” It also helps to state that you are not available at the moment but put effort into their issues as a sign that you care.
“I Told You So”
If a person is already in a low spirit to be told, “I told you so,” that will only sound arrogant and insensitive. This brings more embarrassment when it reminds the person of their mistake or misjudgment. Instead of correcting them for their mistake, get into a theoretical tone and say, “Hey, I’m sorry this didn’t turn out well. How can I help?” This approach results in supportiveness as opposed to rightness.
“I Don’t Need Your Opinion”
When your loved one shares their opinion on something with you, there are so many ways you can respond to them, but “I don’t need your opinion” is something you should never say. Besides being disrespectful, you sound dismissive of their thoughts and signal that their opinions or thoughts hold no value for you. Eventually, that person will feel shut down, leading to resentment and emotional distance.
“It’s Not That Hard”
Something easy for you doesn’t mean it is easy for everyone, and responding with “It’s not that hard” sounds dismissive of their struggle. Though you may mean no harm intentionally, saying something like this can be really belittling and hurtful. When faced with such a situation, try reframing your response by smartly choosing words like “I see this is challenging. How can I support you?”.
“Do Whatever You Want”
Saying “Do whatever you want” might seem like you’re being agreeable, but it often sounds dismissive or passive-aggressive instead. It can give the impression that you don’t care or don’t want to be involved in the discussion. A better way to handle it would be to say, “I’m not sure how I feel about this, but let’s talk it through.” This helps keep the conversation open and makes it easier to work toward a solution together.
“If You Really Loved Me, You Would…”
Love is not a tool to manipulate a partner into doing one thing or another in a relationship because it destroys the trust between two people. It suggests that love is legally liable for providing conditions that may cause insecurity and feelings of manipulation. Instead of the emotional state being contingent upon the partner’s behaviors, it would be more productive if the person in the relationship said something like: ‘I am feeling rejected because of this; let’s discuss it.” This promotes understanding without making love a tool for negotiation.
The language used in relationships is more important than people’s actualization of this key to note; if said often, it will gradually chip away at trust, relationships, and communication. By realizing such clichéd sayings and doing all we can to remove them from our everyday language and instead using encouraging words that display empathy, we can build better relationships. In fact, with a little effort, everyone can effectively improve communication and prove to their close people that their emotions are being paid attention to.
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This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.
