16 Old Parenting Practices That Are No Longer Relevant

Parenting has changed a lot over the years, but some older habits still stick around. While they might have worked before, many don’t suit today’s world or kids’ needs. Using old-fashioned discipline or not talking openly enough can sometimes create challenges. The good news is that it’s never too late to try something different and improve. Here’s a look at some outdated parenting practices and simple ways to move past them.

Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.

Derogatory Names

We all remember that nickname our parents gave us that we truly detested. So, why do the same with your kids? While you may think of this as just a funny joke within your family, you may want to take a second to evaluate whether it is derogatory. Does your kid feel belittled whenever you use this nickname to refer to him?

Unrealistic Expectations

Wanting your kids to be good in school and other activities is normal, but expecting them to excel in everything they try is delusional. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for them. Show them a healthy relationship with failure and teach them to embrace it as an opportunity to grow.

The Favorite

Whether you were your parent’s favorite or least favorite, you probably don’t need us to explain why it is problematic for mothers and fathers to treat their kids differently. You may think this doesn’t apply to you, but it’s probably untrue. While it’s expected to connect to all your kids differently, make sure not to clearly favor one of them over the others.

Invalidating Feelings

‘I had it worst!’ ‘Don’t cry!’ ‘It’s not that big of a deal,’ these sentences invalidate your children’s feelings. Try to think of how you were feeling when you were their age. All emotions were probably a thousand times stronger than now, right? It may not be a big deal for you, but it doesn’t mean it is not for them.

Corporal Punishments

While corporal punishments used to be the norm a few decades ago, we now know these are incredibly harmful. Physical punishment has been linked to all sorts of negative consequences, including mental and physical ill-health, poor educational outcomes, and a higher risk of embracing violence later in life.

No Sexual Education

Sexual education is fundamental for young teenagers to be able to protect themselves during their first experiences. While some schools discuss this topic, this is not the case for all of them. Teach your young teenager a healthy relationship with sex and make sure they are aware of the different forms of protection available.

No Emotional Education

Emotional education is crucial for your teen’s well-being. Most of our parents had no idea how to deal with their emotions. Consequently, we all had to learn how to navigate jealousy, anger, and frustration. Your kids don’t have to go through the same experience. Teach them how to deal with their feelings so they can express themselves effectively.

Comparison

At least once, we’ve thought, ‘Why can’t my son be like my colleague’s son?’ While considering this occasionally is normal, you should never say this in front of your child. Comparison can be extremely harmful, leading to low self-esteem and confidence. What your colleague’s son does has nothing to do with your own son.

Not Leading By Example

The best way to teach your children something is to show them by being a positive example. If you spend all your free time staring at their phone, they will do the same as soon as you buy them a smartphone. If you shout at your husband whenever he makes a mistake, they will do the same with their friends.

Overprotective

What does it mean to be an overprotective parent? It means not allowing your kids to fail. It means doing everything for them, such as calling their landlord to determine when their rent is due and whether they have already paid it. It means complaining to teachers whenever you disagree with their grades. Choose this behavior, and your child will never be independent.

Inconsistency

Being consistent when parenting is fundamental. Make sure you and your partner adopt the same rules. There is no point in not allowing your kid to watch more than two hours of TV per day if his father lets him sit in front of his laptop for the whole afternoon. It’s time to talk with your partner and check whether you are on the same page.

Junk Food

Back then, junk food was a constant presence in our kitchens. From chips to ice cream and chocolate, we all grew up with plenty of ultra-processed food. Teach your children to enjoy healthy food instead, and they will grow healthy and happy. Prepare refreshing salads, tasty smoothes, and healthy treats.

Not Encouraging Individuality

Most of our parents raised us with the hope that we would follow a very straightforward path: get a Master’s degree in a good field, whether medicine or law, get married, have kids, and so on. Most fathers would not have approved a degree in literature, and most mothers would have gone mad to hear you were not planning to have kids. Thankfully, nowadays, differences tend to be celebrated rather than ostracized.

Only Focusing On Academic Skills

Despite what we were taught to believe, academic skills and life skills differ greatly. While endurance, a good relationship with failure, and focus will surely help you in your job, there is a whole set of different skills you will have to learn once you leave academia to succeed.

Gender Bias

What is gender bias? This term defines the tendency to treat your kids differently – particularly, favor one of them – because of their gender. This was considered the norm until not too long ago, and it unfortunately remains common in many areas of the world. For instance, parents may ask their daughters to help with house chores but not their sons.

Ignoring Mental Health Needs

In the past, mental health wasn’t given much attention, and many kids ended up quietly struggling. Nowadays, it’s just as important to focus on your child’s mental well-being as it is on their physical health. Make sure to talk openly about their feelings, and don’t hesitate to get professional help if needed. Taking care of their mental health can help them grow up happier and more balanced.

More For You

These were a few mistakes to avoid when parenting your kids. Now you know what not to do, but this doesn’t solve the issue of what you should do. Here are a few life lessons I decided to teach my daughters before they turn 13.

This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.