Surviving the Holidays: 14 Tips for Handling Difficult Elderly Parents

We’re getting closer and closer to Christmas, which means we’ve only got a couple of days to figure out how to get along with our parents. While we’d all like to imagine the perfect Christmas dinner, we’re all too familiar with the older generation and how easy it is to conflict with them. Here are some unique ways to keep the peace with elderly parents this year.

Set Realistic Expectations

Let’s be real here: you’re going to clash, and you’re going to get incredibly frustrated with your parents at least once. So forget the picture-perfect dinner and keep things real. Don’t expect your parents to change just for one gathering; remember your differences and stay calm. Setting high expectations only sets you up for disappointment.

Establish Boundaries

You might think it’s challenging, but establishing boundaries is the first step to getting along with your parents. Don’t just set your own boundaries; talk to your spouse/children and discuss a list of boundaries you’d like to set as a family. Reach out to your parents and communicate these boundaries well before any gathering.

Be Polite But Firm

It’s easy to cave under pressure, but don’t give in. Continue sticking to the boundaries you’ve set, and remember you’re setting an example for future gatherings. Even if you feel pressured into a corner, don’t back down and firmly but politely say no. While you might not think being polite is necessary, it’ll set the tone for the day and hopefully make it easier for your parents to understand.

Engage Them

Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and think about it: who wouldn’t get upset if they can’t do anything and are expected to be entertained? It’s easier for older people to get cranky when bored, so try to involve your parents in planning dinners. You can even ask for their opinion on the menu or give small tasks to keep them busy.

Offer Gentle Reminders

The older people get, the more forgetful they become, so there’s a high chance your parents will slip up and talk about things you don’t want to discuss. In this case, instead of firing up and overreacting, calmly and gently remind them about your established boundaries. Keep throwing in gentle reminders to keep a calm and peaceful tone.

Stay Calm

Speaking of calm, we know you’re going to be incredibly frustrated, especially if you don’t really get along with your parents and are only showing up for the sake of family. There will be moments when you’ll feel the blood rushing and your veins popping, but getting angry will only make you the bad guy. Even if you’re stepping out, stay calm so no one will point fingers at you later.

Avoid Controversial Topics

Family get-togethers can already be a little tense, so it’s best not to bring up anything that might cause arguments. Try to avoid touchy subjects like politics, religion, or past family drama that could upset someone. Instead, stick to light and fun conversations that everyone can enjoy, like favorite holiday memories or movies. Taking a little care with what you say can help keep the day happy and peaceful for everyone.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

We’re not saying this applies to all parents, but some get angry and difficult to get along with because they feel lonely and are severely experiencing empty nester’s syndrome. In such cases, the best thing to do is acknowledge their feelings, talk about how challenging it is to become apart and live separate lives, and try to bridge the gap.

Practice Patience

If you’re reading this days before your family get-together, you’ve got plenty of time to get it together. Practice patience in conversation and pace; older people get slow, so you might find it frustrating to be on the same page, but give grace to your parents and try to hold in any frustration and similar negative feelings.

Keep Things Simple

If you’re hosting, keep things simple. The more elaborate the gathering and dinner, the more complicated it becomes for the elderly to maneuver. Go with a simple menu or stick to a simple theme so it’s easy for everyone to understand what’s going on. Unnecessarily complicating things will only confuse them and put them in a bad mood.

Respect Their Routine

If you’re headed to your parents’ house, or even if they’re coming over, don’t expect them to make a dramatic change in their routine. If they’re used to sleeping, drinking, or entertaining at a specific time, try to find the middle ground and move around their routine. Expecting dramatic changes will make them cranky and upset and put a damper on the evening.

Minimize Noise

Nobody likes noise, but elderly people get the most frustrated with it. Their hearing isn’t what it used to be, so they’re much more sensitive to the noise around them. Even the slightest noise could be dramatically frustrating for your parents, so minimizing noise and keeping the music low when they’re around is best.

Encourage Storytelling

The best way to keep your parents engaged, active, and in a happy mood is encouraging storytelling. Every older person loves to share about their life, even more so when their grandchildren surround them. It’s the perfect way to tie off the evening and set a positive tone for future gatherings.

Offer Praise and Gratitude

Whether it’s thanking your parents for hosting, complimenting their cooking, or even just appreciating them for being there, those small words can mean a lot. Bring up something positive, like a sweet memory or something kind they’ve done recently. When you show gratitude, it creates a warm and uplifting feeling for everyone in the room.

More For You

We appreciate our parents, but let’s face it—some of their parenting methods would seem outdated now. As times change, so do parenting techniques. Here are some things your parents likely missed teaching you.

This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.