16 Warning Signs You’re Being Too Controlling as a Parent

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. We all want to do our best for our children, but things are easier said than done. It’s incredibly easy to lose sight of our parental relationship, and we’re left wondering where we went wrong. If you feel like you and your kid aren’t connecting anymore, you might have pushed too hard. Here are some signs you need to step up.

You Micromanage Their Every Move

Being a parent is all about managing the nerves and watching your kids breeze through life. It’s natural to want to see if they’re doing well, but constantly checking up on them, especially when they’ve proven themselves as responsible individuals, and micromanaging their every move will make them resent you.

You Don’t Trust Their Judgment

We all make mistakes, and children even more so. While we would all love for our kids to grow up with excellent judgment, it won’t happen unless you let them naturally navigate through their actions and their consequences. Not trusting their judgment and dismissing it because you think they’re still young is only going to delay their development.

You Compare Them To Others

One of the most hurtful things a parent can do is compare their children to others. You might think drawing comparisons will give your children the motivation needed to overcome specific fears, but it diminishes confidence and feeds their insecurities. They might begin to resent you because they’ll feel like you’re never satisfied with who they are.

You’re Strict

We all place boundaries, and a big part of parenthood is letting your kids learn how to respect the boundaries of others. But if you’re restricting their access to age-friendly resources, giving out too many rules, punishing them for even accidental breaks, and not molding your rules according to the time and age, you’re being overly strict.

You Don’t Support Their Dreams

Parents are supposed to support their children’s dreams and ambitions, even when they think otherwise. But if you refuse to support their dreams because you feel they might be unrealistic or unimpressive, you’re hurting your child. What you might think is a realistic push might end up being the very thing that shoots down your child’s confidence.

You Hog All Their Time

It’s impossible not to love spending time with your children, and it’s even harder to let them go out into the world when they reach a responsible age. But if you’re always hovering over their shoulder, trying to spend every minute of your day with them and not allowing them individual freedom, they’ll begin to resent you and your presence.

You Make The Decisions For Them

We spend the earlier parts of our children’s lives making their decisions for them. However, letting them learn about individuality, identity, and independence is essential in life and should start at an appropriate age. But if you’re still making the decisions even when they’ve grown up, you’re preventing them from being responsible adults.

You Always Nag Them

Nagging is a natural part of parenting, but there’s a limit to it. If your child can’t do anything without being nagged about chores, education, or financial responsibility, they’ll begin to think you don’t find them good enough. They’ll mistake your care and concern for discontent and unhappiness, so they’ll begin to distance themselves further from you.

You Never Take Responsibility

Some people spend most of their lives shaping their children into responsible adults, and they forget to be one themselves. Accepting mistakes is tough, especially in front of your children, but taking responsibility is the right thing to do. Playing the victim, avoiding accountability, and shifting blame will only make your children lose respect for you.

You Over-Schedule Their Day

Packing your child’s day with too many activities might seem helpful, but it can wear them out. Kids need free time to relax, play, and explore their own interests. When every minute is planned, they can feel stressed and overwhelmed. Giving them time to just enjoy being a kid is often the best approach.

You Try To Live Through Them

Not all of us get to live the life we want, but it’s unfair to push our expectations and dreams on our children. Living through your child by pushing them to do things you want and forcing them to make the decisions you approve of is either going to distance you from them or make them resent themselves. It’s an unhealthy and slippery slide from here.

You Dictate Their Emotions

Telling your children how to react to situations might seem like you’re helping them navigate emotions, but in reality, you’re only discouraging them from expressing themselves. This not only stunts emotional growth and understanding but might also dissociate them from their surroundings, which can look incredibly off-putting to others.

You Control Their Friendships

When you choose or discourage your child’s friends, it can end up pushing them away. They may feel lonely, misunderstood, or even angry with you. Kids need the chance to form their own friendships and figure out how to handle social situations. Instead of deciding who they should hang out with, create an open and honest space where they feel safe talking to you about their friends.

You Expect Perfection

Parents often have high expectations from their kids, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, what matters is how parents react when kids fall short of those expectations. Do you belittle them or encourage them? High expectations are part of good parenting, but expecting perfection may lead to burnout. It may also make them think that whatever they do is never good enough.

You Don’t Respect Their Privacy

It is important for parents to be mindful of their kids’ privacy as they grow up. Continuously monitoring their devices or invading their rooms unannounced may make them feel like you don’t trust them. However, by giving them adequate space, you not only encourage them to become independent but also teach them the healthy boundaries that will help them in their future relationships.

You Criticize Them

The last person we expect to criticize us is our parents. We look up to our parents for love, support, and understanding. Still, if they’re the ones putting us down and constantly criticizing our decisions and lifestyle, we’re going to end up disappointed, hurt, angry, and possibly resentful. It’s also one of the many reasons a child decides to cut off their parents in adulthood.

More For You

We love our parents, but their parenting styles might surprise us today. Each generation learns from the past to raise kids better. Here are some things your parents probably didn’t teach you.

This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.