Think You’re a Great Mother-in-Law? These 17 Signs Say Otherwise

Being a mother-in-law can be challenging, and sometimes, it’s hard to know if you’re doing everything right. You might feel like you’re giving your best, but there could be important things you’re missing that are key to having a healthy relationship with your child-in-law. Here are some signs that you might not be the best mother-in-law you think you are and how certain actions might unknowingly affect your child-in-law’s relationship.

You Give Unwanted Advice

One of the biggest reasons mother-in-laws often clash with their children-in-law is giving unsolicited advice. It could be about anything: the way your child and their spouse decorated their home, their traditions, their decisions, or even their parenting style. Constantly commenting on someone’s personal affairs and giving unsolicited advice makes them feel small, disrespected, and incompetent.

You Overstep Boundaries

While you and your child may have a close bond, you mustn’t let it interfere with their married life. Every married couple puts forward boundaries; while these might seem unnecessary or silly, they’re incredibly important for your child and their spouse. Frequently overstepping boundaries, especially after they’ve been repeatedly communicated to you, is being purposely disrespectful.

You Criticize Their Parenting

One of the most disrespectful actions a mother-in-law can do is comment on their children and children-in-law’s parenting techniques. The world is rapidly changing, and so are parenting techniques and styles. You’ll create conflicts and resentment if you’re drawing comparisons with your parenting techniques and criticizing your child and child-in-law’s parenting choices and decisions.

You Don’t Respect Their Decisions

It’s natural to feel conflicted when your child and their spouse’s decisions don’t align with your choices. But this doesn’t give you, or anyone else, a free pass to comment on or judge their choices. Not respecting decisions makes couples feel like you don’t trust their judgment and abilities; it also conveys that you’re unable to respect their ideals and can make you come off as disrespectful.

You Expect Perfection

Putting pressure on your child’s spouse to be perfect can really strain your relationship. It’s important to accept and appreciate them for who they are. Setting unrealistic expectations often leads to unnecessary disappointment and conflict. Celebrate their strengths and quirks without demanding they fit an impossible ideal.

You Compete For Attention

Many mothers-in-law feel like they need to compete with their children-in-law for their children’s attention. This is unhealthy behavior; while it’s natural to want to stay close to your children, competing with your spouse will only put them in a tough spot and likely draw you away from them.

You Don’t Make An Effort To Bond

Consider your children-in-law’s position: they’re new to your family dynamics, trying to adapt to a different lifestyle, and aren’t sure if they belong. Naturally, they’ll want to bond with their spouse’s parents (you), but if you’re being unwelcome or show disinterest, they’ll assume you’re isolating them from the rest of your family. 

You Are Overly Judgmental

We all want our children to have the perfect spouses, but constantly monitoring their spouses’ lifestyles and actions creates a controlling environment. Being critical about your children’s in-laws’ careers, personal choices, lifestyles, or even religion drives them away from you; it’ll put your child in a tough spot, increasing the chances of them cutting you out.

You Don’t Respect Their Privacy

It’s exciting to visit your child after they’ve gotten married. However, showing up unannounced, expecting hospitality, and prying into personal affairs that your child’s spouse might not be comfortable sharing can create a tense atmosphere in their household. The lack of privacy will drive a wedge between your child and you.

You Don’t Share Important Information

Many children-in-law feel out of place or isolated because their in-laws refuse to include them in important matters. While your reasoning behind withholding information might be that you don’t feel comfortable sharing such information, it’s essential to remember that children-in-law are part of the family and deserve to be included.

You Make Everything About You

You might feel like the attention you receive from your child is slipping away. It’s natural to want to feel wanted by your child and stay connected after they get married. But if you pry into personal matters, dominate conversations, and redirect events to yourself only so you won’t be alienated, you will have the opposite effect.

You Don’t Apologize

Stepping up and admitting fault is a big step towards self-improvement, even if you aren’t in the wrong. Often, failing to apologize when you’ve made a mistake conveys arrogance; your child and child-in-law will feel like you’re unable to take responsibility and accountability for your actions, so they’ll stop trusting you.

You Push Your Beliefs

Many people marry out of their religion, race, and beliefs. Expecting your child’s spouse to conform to traditional ideals can disrespect their autonomy. You can’t force your beliefs on them, even if they’re something significant like religion, political affiliation, or something mundane like household traditions and customs.

You Resist Change

Resisting change and living in your own ways when your child marries and welcomes another person into the family can cause unnecessary drama and tension. It’s important to stay flexible and welcome new roles and relationships with an open mind and heart. Accepting this huge change and bonding with them can make for happier relationships.

You Gossip About Them

You may sometimes vent or share stories about your child-in-law or share stories about them, but it can lead to huge issues if they find out. Instead of gossiping about them, try to talk directly and clear things out. By being honest, you’ll not only earn their respect but will also win their trust.

You Take Sides in Arguments

Arguments are a natural part of every relationship, but constantly taking sides in your child’s marital arguments disrespects them and blurs the boundaries between healthy involvement and overstepping. As an elder, you are expected to help diffuse the situation, not escalate it. However, when you do the opposite, your child-in-law will naturally feel as if you have it out for them.

You Hold Grudges

Arguments and conflicts are a part of life, but holding grudges even after the conflict is resolved only worsens the relationship. It shows you hold on to negative feelings and would rather fight than move forward. This creates tension in the house, forcing your child-in-law to avoid you or even become distant over time.

This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.