16 Signs You Might Not Be the Perfect Father-in-Law

Being a father-in-law isn’t always easy, and it can be just as tricky as being a mother-in-law. You might think you’re doing a good job connecting with your child-in-law, but sometimes you may not realize when something you do hurts them. Building a strong and positive relationship takes time, effort, and understanding. Recognizing the problem areas is the first step to making things better. Here are some signs you might not be the best father-in-law, along with tips to help you improve your bond with your child-in-law.

You Dismiss Their Career

Men were expected to be the sole breadwinners and worked traditionally, so you might not expect your child-in-law to work in a specific field or even hold a job. However, a person’s career choice is a part of their identity; purposely belittling your child-in-law’s career makes them feel disrespected. It’s also disrespectful to mockingly compare their careers.

You Offer Unsolicited Financial Advice

Feeling worried for your children and their spouses if they’re struggling financially is natural, but this doesn’t create room to offer unsolicited advice. You’ll be seen as intrusive and overbearing if you’re offering financial advice without being asked to; it also creates the impression that you don’t trust your child’s spouse to make sound financial decisions.

You Compare Them To Yourself

We’ll admit it: life’s changing rapidly, and it’s hard to understand modern trends, especially if they relate to work-life or lifestyle. But expecting your children-in-law to conform to your lifestyle and constantly comparing the duo creates unnecessary pressure for the children-in-law and conveys that you aren’t delighted with what they do or who they are.

You Don’t Take Their Interests Seriously

There’s a high chance your child-in-law’s hobbies and interests won’t align with yours. While you might be seeking an opportunity to bond with them, ignoring their interests in favor of yours or mocking their hobbies creates an unnecessarily hostile environment, affecting their adjustment to the family. It makes them feel unimportant and unloved.

You Ignore Their Advice

It’s natural to feel awkward or conflicted when receiving advice from your children-in-law. However, being dismissive can have adverse effects; ignoring and disregarding their suggestions, especially if they’re an expert on the topic, can affect your chances of successfully coming up with a solution to a problem. It’s also rude and arrogant.

You Intrude On Their Marriage

If you’re constantly commenting on personal decisions and trying to interfere with your child’s marital affairs, you’re actively crossing boundaries and intruding on their marriage. Intrusion doesn’t have to be intentional, but it can create a hostile environment that will affect you and your child’s bond. It also puts them in a tough spot, leading to more conflicts.

You Are Critical Of Their Parenting

Commenting solely on someone’s parenting style because it varies from yours is highly disrespectful. While you can offer advice occasionally, especially if you see them struggling, consistently criticizing your children-in-law’s parenting techniques implies they’re not a good parent; it minimizes their efforts, diminishes their confidence, and makes them feel like they’re doing an awful job.

You Set Unrealistic Expectations

We all want our children to have the picture-perfect spouse, but it’s easier said than done. Imposing high expectations on your child’s spouse and expecting them to live up to the mark creates a competitive environment that mentally, physically, and emotionally stresses them out. Because of high expectations, they’ll feel out of place, lonely, and unwanted.

You Ignore Boundaries In Their Home

While you might think you and your child have a special bond that doesn’t warrant any boundaries, it’s important to remember your child’s home is a safe space for their spouse. Constantly overstepping boundaries is seen as a deliberate attempt to intrude into personal affairs. It leads to frustration and resentment.

You Exclude Them From Essential Decisions

Many children-in-laws are set aside when making important family decisions. It might seem like an essential distinction to you because they may not be as involved in the family matter, but to your child-in-law, it’s seen as an attempt to exclude them from the family, especially if they’ve to decide on behalf of your child but are being left out.

You Disregard Their Achievements

Not acknowledging someone’s personal or professional achievements is an inherently bad move, but it’s seen as purposely ignorant if you’re family. If you constantly ignore or dismiss your children-in-law’s achievements, you’ll make them feel like they aren’t important enough to be included in familial appreciation. It can also make them feel unwanted and unloved.

You Don’t Respect Their Space

If you barge into their home even after being told not to, show up unannounced, or take up a lot of physical space when visiting, you’re clearly disrespecting your children-in-law’s space. Invading personal space or overstepping physical boundaries can be uncomfortable, especially if it’s happening to a person still trying to adjust to married life.

You Have Controlling Nature

If you control every decision they make or want them to do as you say, it means you’re trying to control them in every aspect. This is true, especially when you all live together under one roof. Instead of being controlling, you should learn to respect their decisions and not involve yourself in their matters.

You Are Not Supportive

If you’re not there for your child-in-law when they need emotional or practical support, they might feel isolated. Make an effort to be present during tough times. Show empathy and understanding—it really goes a long way. Offering your support helps them feel like part of the family and strengthens your bond.

You Treat Them Like A Child

Speaking and acting like your child-in-law isn’t an adult or knows what they’re doing is condescending and rude. You might not notice you’re being condescending, but acting as if they’re too young or dumb to understand something implies you think they’re not a grown adult capable of making uniform decisions and will affect your relationship with them.

You Overstep in Social Settings

When interacting with your child-in-law in a social setting, you must respect their boundaries and treat them honorably. Blurting out inappropriate remarks or making the entire conversation about yourself is highly unacceptable. It is disrespectful to the child-in-law, and such behavior implies that you do not care about their reputation at all.

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This article was first published at Rbitaliablog.