Are You Making These 17 Common Parenting Errors Without Realizing It?
Let’s be honest—have you ever found yourself talking about things your parents did that bothered you? It’s normal, and one day, your kids might do the same. No parent is perfect, and that’s completely fine. The goal isn’t to be flawless but to learn and grow as you go. Even small changes can make a big difference in how you connect with your kids. To help, we’ve put together 17 common parenting mistakes to watch out for and avoid so you can be the best parent you can be for your children.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Helicopter Parenting
First on our list is helicopter parenting. This term refers to parents who are overprotective and controlling. For instance, a mother deciding to attend a job fair on behalf of her son, or a father organizing a meeting with a professor to complain about a certain grade his daughter received. Helicopter parenting leads to all sorts of problems in your kids, including anxiety, inability to make decisions, and emotional immaturity.
Invalidating Feelings
You may think this doesn’t concern you, but the truth is that you may be invalidating your kid’s feelings without even realizing it. Do you ever use sentences such as ‘I’ve had worse,’ ‘You shouldn’t feel that way,’ or ‘Stop crying’? If yes, it is time to stop. Constantly telling your kids that their emotions don’t matter will lead them to believe that their feelings are somehow less important than those of others.
No Boundaries
Children need boundaries, as these help them feel safe while developing their self-discipline and pushing them to create their own boundaries. You can set boundaries for all sorts of things, such as how long it’s okay to watch TV and where it’s okay to eat; for instance, you may prohibit your kids from eating on the couch.
Perfectionism
Are you a perfectionist? Then you probably know how hard it is to live a life with this tendency. Why pass it on to your kids? Take a second and ask yourself, ‘Am I only expecting the best from my children?’ ‘What if they come home with a B instead of an A?’ ‘Am I projecting my perfectionism on them?’
Verbal and Physical Abuse
Of course, all forms of abuse can be detrimental to the development of a child. This includes physical abuse, such as slapping and pinching, as well as verbal abuse, calling your child derogatory names. Children are also affected by domestic abuse when they are not the direct victim of it, but one of their parents is.
Guilt Tripping
Did you ever use guilt-tripping to push your kids to do things they did not want to do? This term refers to someone making someone else feel guilty about getting things done. For instance, are you blaming them for your bad mood even though you know it’s not their fault? This behavior may lead your kids to develop low self-confidence.
Emotionally Unavailable
Being a parent is much more than providing your kids with financial stability. A safe environment, clean clothes, and abundant food are necessary for a child’s development, but don’t forget about the emotional side too. It’s time to ask yourself, ‘Am I emotionally available?’ ‘What if my kid needs to talk about emotions?’ ‘Will I be able to help him navigate his feelings?’
Comparison
Unfortunately, parents often compare their kids with their siblings or friends, which can lead to low self-esteem and confidence. Remember, all your kids are unique and should be celebrated for their individuality. Your kid is probably already aware that his brother is way better at math, so there is no need to constantly remind him. Instead of prompting competition between your children, opt for cooperation.
Oversharing
When kids are young, it is normal for parents to share details of their lives with their friends and relatives. However, as they grow old, it’s important to understand that they may no longer be okay with you sharing personal information. This includes sharing pictures on social media and information regarding their private lives with colleagues and friends.
Overly Critical
Do you tend to be overly critical in life? While this pushes your kids to constantly improve, it may also lower their self-esteem in the long run, as they will feel that nothing will ever be up to your standards. When was the last time you praised your kid? It may be time to do so more often if you don’t remember.
Emotionally Unstable
Emotionally unstable parents can be incredibly damaging. This includes mothers having constant tantrums for minor inconveniences, fathers constantly changing moods, and all sorts of mental disorders such as anxiety and depression. Kids who grow up with emotionally unstable parents often have to take extra responsibilities and are deprived of their childhood.
Lack of Privacy
You must change your attitude towards personal privacy as your kids grow up. Never enter his room without knocking, don’t go through his things without consent, and don’t check his phone. Even though it may be hard to adapt your behavior at first when your kids turn into teenagers, it’s important to start treating them like adults.
Spoiling
This is especially common with parents having only one child. Why shouldn’t you devote all your resources and energy to your only son or daughter? The answer is easy: because you will spoil them. Every kid should hear the word ‘no’ occasionally.
Overcompensating
Regardless of how good your own parents were with you, they probably made mistakes. Can you mention a few and see how your parenting style differs from theirs? When doing so, check whether you are overcompensating for your parents’ wrong behavior. For instance, if your father never gave you money, you may be tempted to give your kids all they ask for without questions.
Ignoring Playtime
Many parents think playing is a waste of time that could be better utilized in academics or other activities. This is a mistake that could hamper your child’s physical and mental growth. As kids grow up, playtime helps them grow both physically and mentally, allowing them to develop social skills and physical strength. Instead of saying no, let them play but in moderation.
Not Leading By Example
Do you want your kid to spend less time staring at screens? Then you should start by asking yourself how much time you spend on screens. Kids learn by example and will likely copy their parents’ actions. In other words, if you don’t want your children to do something, don’t do it yourself.
Not Encouraging Social Skills
Helping your child develop social skills is one of the most important things you can do for their growth. Encourage them to play with others, share, and show empathy. These interactions teach them how to build strong, positive relationships that will benefit them throughout their life.
More For You
These were some of the worst toxic parenting patterns that may scar your child for life. You now know what not to do. But what can you do instead? Here are a few life lessons I decided to teach my daughters before they turn 13.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
