17 Tough Situations Parents Face with Teen Daughters—And How to Handle Them
Raising a teenage daughter isn’t always easy, but it can be incredibly rewarding. From mood swings to school stress and friend drama, it’s normal to feel a bit lost on how to help her. These years are all about growing and figuring out who she is, which can be a tough journey. With patience, understanding, and a few helpful tips, you can build a strong bond and support her along the way. Here are 17 common challenges you might face—and simple ways to handle them.
Note: The content of this article does not reflect the writer’s personal beliefs.
Entering Adulthood
Teenagehood means entering a new phase of life, namely adulthood. As with everything new, your daughter will make mistakes and need time to learn how to be a functional human being. As parents, it’s difficult for us to avoid correcting every mistake and constantly giving our unrequested opinions on everything. However, you need to accept that your daughter is no longer a child, and as such, she deserves all the trust and respect of an adult.
Blurred Boundaries
As your daughter enters teenagerhood, your boundaries with her will probably change. For instance, if your teen no longer lives at home, you may have to call before dropping in her new apartment. But boundaries will also change if you live under the same roof. As time passes, for instance, you will have to stop sharing all her personal information with your colleagues and friends unless you first ask for permission.
Favoritism
Favoritism issues often arise when siblings are involved. You may not have realized it, but you may have given more attention to one of your kids, for instance, by giving him more praise, time, or privileges. If your daughter accuses you of favoritism, you may want to put your ego aside and take a second to truly evaluate these accusations. You may even ask your partner to have an external view on the matter.
Partners
Dating is a natural part of teenagerhood. But while kids often enthusiastically embrace this new realm, parents are not as excited about this change. Even if you don’t approve of your daughter’s partner, it is important to stay as neutral as possible and intervene only if you truly believe your kid’s health is in danger.
Emotional Dependency
Some mothers, especially single moms, may rely on their daughters for emotional fulfillment. This may make your kid feel overwhelmed as she will start to believe that your happiness and emotional well-being are closely dependent on her. Take a moment to evaluate whether this is your case. Are you constantly bombarding your daughter with your problems? Is your daughter your only source of comfort and reassurance?
Communication Issues
Communication issues are often the cause of heated conflicts. Especially as your daughter enters teenagerhood, you may realize she suddenly talks way less than before. She may spend more time in her room and be less likely to share what’s happening in her life. This is a normal phase in your daughter’s life. However, if you think that some serious issues are affecting your relationship, try to open up a discussion where you show your concerns, bringing vulnerability to the table.
Lack of Privacy
As hard as it sounds, your daughter is entitled to her privacy. No, it’s not okay to just walk into her room, and yes, you should always knock before entering her room. Becoming a teenager also means being more secretive about a number of issues. Even though it will be hard at first, accept the fact that your daughter deserves her privacy.
Curfews
Setting a curfew that your daughter respects is fundamental to establishing clear boundaries. The truth is that no matter what time you decide, your daughter will probably complain about it. Try to talk to other mothers to check whether this is a reasonable time and allow for a bit of flexibility occasionally. Compromising is key.
Perfectionism
Mothers dealing with perfectionism often expect the same from their daughters. Do you tend to struggle with this? Then, it may be worth asking yourself whether you are expecting the same level of unhealthy perfectionism from your daughter, too. Even though it is normal to want your kids to perform well in school, sports, and other activities, you need to accept the fact that your daughter won’t excel in all of them. And that’s okay!
Teen Experimentation
Do you remember when you were a teen and tried that first cigarette? We all did stupid things when we were young. And guess what? Whether you like it or not, your daughter will do the same. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should let her do everything she wants. However, try to remember this when you see your daughter doing something you don’t approve of. Instead of immediately passing your harsh judgment, try to come from a place of openness and empathy.
Stress
It may seem hard to believe, but teenagers are stressed—highly stressed. Balancing social life, school duties, and the many hormones that have suddenly invaded your body is not an easy task. If your daughter is in constant conflict with you, remember that you may not even be the cause. It may all be due to accumulated stress.
Different Values
Your daughter is obviously from a different generation. As such, she will have different political views, opinions, and values. When discussing these, make sure not to come from a patronizing perspective. Treat her views with respect and be as open-minded as possible.
Friends
Chances are you will probably not like all your daughter’s new friends. You may find some of them obnoxious, rude, or disrespectful. However, it’s important to remember that your daughter is no longer a kid. She should decide who to allow in her life and who not to. This is not your job.
Unhealthy Identification
Watching your daughter growing up will probably remind you of your teenagerhood. Chances are you made plenty of mistakes during those years. Maybe you tried some illicit substance, or you may have surrounded yourself with the wrong group of friends. While you may be tempted to control your daughter’s life, remember that this is not yours. Provide guidelines and suggestions, but don’t assume she will make your mistakes.
Lack of Space
As your daughter enters teenagerhood, she will start to crave time alone. This may cause mothers who used to spend lots of time with their children a lot of pain. However, when this happens, giving your daughter space is important, as this is a natural phase all young girls face.
Mood Swings
Most people going through teenagerhood experience mood swings. One moment, your daughter may be laughing with you, and a few minutes after, she may be lying on her bed, obsessing over god-only-knows-what. Don’t take it personally, and don’t try to force your daughter to be happy. She is no longer a kid; you don’t know what may have happened, and – as tough as this sounds – it is not your business. Maybe a friend said something that hurt her, or a potential partner just sent the wrong text. Let her experience her emotions.
Social Media Influence
With social media being such a big part of life now, your teenage daughter might be feeling its influence more than ever. From beauty trends to peer pressure, it can sometimes lead to insecurities or unrealistic standards. It’s really important to talk openly about the good and bad sides of social media and help her build confidence that doesn’t rely on what she sees online.
More For You
If your daughter is still too young for you two to face teenagehood-related issues, good for you! This is the time to teach your kids everything you know. Here are 13 lessons I taught my daughters before they reached 13.
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
