16 Signs Your In-Laws Are Creating Tension in Your Relationship

Dealing with in-laws can be challenging, and sometimes, they can create tension in your relationship without meaning to. It could be little comments here and there or more obvious ways of getting involved. These things can slowly affect your relationship if you don’t catch them in time. Knowing what to look out for can help you fix issues before they get out of hand. Here are some clear signs that your in-laws might be causing problems so you can handle them before they grow bigger.

Constant Criticism

Nothing screams a bad inlaw like being constantly criticized without any reason. Sometimes, in-laws pick on their children-in-law because they disapprove of them—they’ll call them names, nitpick their actions, and criticize their decisions. Most in-laws who resort to such behavior can cause relationship problems because they aren’t being snubbed.

Overstepping Boundaries

If you’re struggling with an inlaw because they can’t seem to respect any boundaries you discuss, from visiting hours to dietary restrictions, you won’t be able to get along with them at all. People who overstep boundaries rarely have plans to change themselves; they’ll keep crossing the lines whenever possible, so it’s best to know this won’t be a healthy relationship.

Comparisons

One of the most humiliating experiences is constantly being compared to your significant other’s ex-partner. Most in-laws make these comparisons to convince their children to get back with an ex. This not only drives a wedge between their children and themselves but also creates insecurities in their children’s partners.

Interference In Parenting

Being undermined as a parent is incredibly gutting and humiliating because you’re constantly made to feel you’re not a good parent. In-laws who interfere in parenting might be doing it because they think they’re helping; most genuinely, they cannot understand parenting boundaries. Parental interference won’t go away with time and will worsen unless you place strict boundaries.

Manipulative Behavior

If your in-laws constantly spin the truth in their favor and treat you differently in front of their children than when alone, it means they’re manipulating the circumstances around themselves to isolate you. Manipulators won’t care if their actions affect others; they’re only interested in making a positive rapport for themselves, so they’ll keep the same behavior.

Excessive Involvement

When your in-laws constantly visit without announcing, barge in randomly, and actively interfere with your personal affairs without asking, they’re violating the privacy and safety of your home. Excessive involvement isn’t only irksome but also sets you up for an unhealthy relationship.

Spreading Rumors

In-laws who resort to spreading nasty rumors about their children-in-law are actively declaring war. This means they’ll never treat you with respect, so you’ll always be dealing with negativity. It is best to distance yourself from such in-laws, especially if you’ll be tying the knot in the near future.

Financial Interference

Our in-laws lived differently than us, so they might feel as if your financial shortcomings are because of your earnings or acting differently. Such in-laws will make your financial experiences their business; they’ll bombard you with questions, offer unsolicited advice, or draw comparisons with old-fashioned means that suggest they think you’re financially unstable.

Intrusive Questions

We’ve all dealt with intrusive questions, but in-laws who make this a personal mission won’t stop even after you communicate your discomfort. They’ll ask questions about personal decisions like having a baby, settling down, or being a stay-at-home parent—things that are supposed to stay between a couple. This can lead to a lot of arguments between couples.

Inappropriate Comments

In-laws who make you uncomfortable because they throw inappropriate comments aren’t easy to get along with. You can try all you want, but they’ll still end up talking about inappropriate topics like someone’s or your body, intimate discussions, or anything that shouldn’t be discussed publicly. They might even attack your character and risk your relationship, so it’s best to stay away from them.

Gaslighting

In the end, even after every negative experience, if your in-laws are denying their role in everything and trying to spin the narrative, you know they’re never going to get along with you. They’ll gaslight you until your partner starts to doubt you, too, which naturally creates relationship troubles that won’t go away quickly.

Hogging Attention

Have you ever noticed that your in-law manages to make every event about themselves? Or do they barge in on essential announcements and end up with most people catering to them? If you’ve got an in-law who’s determined to make everything about themselves, they’ll probably hog important days like weddings, anniversaries, and births. Which means you’ll probably spend a lot of your time fighting.

Invading Your Privacy

Whether you live in the same house as your in-laws or not, you are entitled to privacy. Your in-laws should not be going through your stuff or using it without your permission. Acts like these scream disrespect and affect your relationship. It’s better to keep a distance if things go far beyond your control.

Making Your Spouse Choose

Many bold in-laws outright ask their children to choose between their spouse or themselves. It can happen subtly: the in-law bringing their own version of a favorite dish to make their child choose, suddenly planning an activity when you’ve got something on your plate, or even outright demanding a choice. If your spouse caves, you need to have a serious sit-down with them.

Ignoring Rules

If you’re letting an inlaw house sit or babysit and they go out of their way to ignore your rules, you know they aren’t taking you seriously. Such in-laws don’t ignore because they forget; they ignore because they want to take control of every possible little thing, even if it’s your house. It can become a big hassle, especially if your spouse is close to their parents.

Undermining Your Relationship Decisions

Your in-laws constantly undermining your relationship decisions may create doubts, leading both of you to second-guess every decision you make. Such unnecessary interference weakens your relationship and causes friction. Your personal relationship decisions are entirely yours to make, and while advice and suggestions should be welcomed, undermining decisions is unfair.