17 Practical Tips for Handling Disagreements During Early Parenthood
Parenthood is a beautiful journey, but it’s not without its challenges. The stress of new responsibilities and sleepless nights can make it tough for couples to communicate well, often leading to misunderstandings and disagreements. However, with a little patience and effort, these tough moments can become opportunities to strengthen your bond. Here are some helpful ways couples can communicate better during those early days of parenting.
State Your Needs
If you need your partner to help you with the house chores, tell them so, and don’t wait for them to do something about it. What may be evident to you may not be that obvious to him. Stating your needs is fundamental to establishing good communication. Tell each other what you expect and find a compromise that works for both.
Choose the Right Time
Choosing the right time is essential to starting a productive conversation. If you or your partner are tired, postpone your talk to another time. Once you both feel ready, turn off all distractions like phones and TVs that may play in the background and cause extra stress.
Use ‘I’ Statements
Using ‘I’ statements will prevent your partner from feeling attacked and help you focus on finding a solution together. For instance, instead of ‘You never make time for us’, opt for ‘I feel like we rarely spend quality time together’. Always remember, you are never against each other. You are fighting the same problem.
Make an Effort to See Your Partner’s Perspective
After so many years together, it’s easy to forget about your partner’s point of view. Today, try to take their perspective on an issue and push yourself to find at least one reason why they may be right and you may be wrong. It may be difficult at first, but you may start to see their perspective with some effort.
Practice Active Listening
Communication is made of talking and listening. Let’s remember the latter! Do you ever think of what to say next to prove your partner wrong instead of focusing on what he’s trying to communicate with you? Then, you may want to reconsider your active listening skills.
Focus on Feelings, Not Actions
We tend to talk about actions whenever we are stuck in an argument. Instead of focusing on these, try to concentrate on feelings. For instance, instead of saying, ‘You did not throw away the trash again. You never help me!’ opt for ‘When I saw the trash was still in the kitchen, I felt abandoned, as if I was alone to take care of all the house chores.’
Don’t Postpone It
People often fear talking when something is not working for fear of hurting their partner. However, sweeping everything under the rug will also worsen the situation. Always address problems whenever they arise, and don’t wait to communicate with your partner how you feel about their behavior.
Take a Break
Sometimes, we can talk for hours when we feel overwhelmed with emotions. While venting is useful, you may want to take a break if you still haven’t found a compromise after hours of talking. Return to the argument when both of you are rested; you may find a solution in minutes.
Beware of Your Body Language
We don’t only talk with our mouths. Everything in our bodies, from the direction of our gaze to our arm and leg position, can send a direct message to our listeners. Be aware of this whenever starting a conversation with your partner. For instance, look at your partner when talking and avoid rolling your eyes.
Schedule Weekly Meetings
Scheduling weekly meetings to discuss everything that is okay and not okay in the relationship is a great way to maintain healthy communication. Sometimes, people hide their feelings for years because they are afraid to start an honest discussion with their partners. Planning a time devoted to this can help you be more honest with each other and talk about problems whenever they arise.
Start Positively
If you’re about to complain about something, start positively. Imagine you have to criticize your colleague’s job. You’ll probably start with a compliment to release tension and show them you still appreciate their job. So, why not do the same in your marriage?
Say ‘Sorry’
After years of marriage, the need to be right can take over objectivity. Remember, you are in this together. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I was wrong’ when you were is essential to maintaining honest communication. Just think of how nice it would be to hear these words from your partner. Maybe you should be the first one to do it.
Avoid Multitasking
Avoid multitasking when communicating with your partner, especially as exhausted new parents. Trying to juggle multiple tasks while conversing can lead to misunderstandings and missed details. Giving your full attention to your partner ensures that you truly hear and understand each other, which is crucial for maintaining a solid connection during stressful times.
Remember Why
Amid the sleepless nights and constant demands of a new baby, it’s essential to remember why you became parents in the first place. Reflect on the love and connection that brought you together and led you to start a family. Keeping sight of your shared dreams and the joy your baby brings can help you stay united and motivated. When things get tough, reminding yourselves of these reasons can reignite your bond and provide the strength to navigate the challenges together.
Beware Of Texting
Texting can be extremely useful when feeling overwhelmed. You surely don’t need an hour-long call to tell your partner to get some milk on the way home. Nonetheless, messaging can never – and should never – be used when fighting. Why? Your partner can easily misunderstand your words when talking on the phone – or even worse, sending a text. On top of this, you won’t be able to get that much necessary hug following a fight.
Practice Empathy
Practicing empathy involves genuinely understanding and sharing your partner’s feelings, especially during disagreements. It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and recognizing the emotions behind their words. To practice empathy, actively listen to what they are saying without interrupting, acknowledge their feelings, and respond in a way that shows you understand and care.
Bring in a Professional
If you feel like you and your partner are getting nowhere with arguments, it’s time to bring a professional. Professional assistance can do wonders; you’ll know how to approach previous arguments and frustrations in a healthy setting and will be able to come up with productive ways to resolve them. It also ensures both of you are being heard since having disagreements in front of a neutral third party can help you see the clearer side of the picture.
More For You
Taking a break when the conversation has become stagnant is difficult but crucial. Try to do an activity you both love that will distract you for some time. For instance, why not go for a picnic in the nearest park?
This article was first published on the RB ITALIA Blog.
